The importance of touch for children

Hugs and cuddles between parents and kids dwindle during the school years — and by adolescence, they’re pretty much gone. But there are good reasons to keep them, or some variation of them, alive.

Touch = health
“Physical contact is important across the lifespan,” says Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine. Positive touch stimulates pressure receptors under the skin, lowering the heart rate, slowing the breath, decreasing stress hormones and boosting the immune system. In other words, touch helps bodies stay healthy.

Plus, it raises kids’ spirits immeasurably; science has shown that positive touch lowers depression, says Field. “Think of touch as a kind of shorthand, a powerful way to communicate affection, care and concern for your child,” says Calgary parent educator and mom of five Judy Arnall. When your daughter comes off the field and you say, “Tough game,” your words acknowledge her feelings. When you sling your arm around her shoulders, that’s the nurturing part.

Touchy, touchy
Temperament can be a factor in how much or what kind of physical contact children need, says Arnall. One kid might be glued to his dad’s leg in the playground after school, while another zips by his mom for a quick high-five. But both kids are connecting with their secure base.

Keeping in touch
While a younger child tends to always want a lot of physical contact with parents, a preteen might be embarrassed if you take her hand in public. By the time she enters her teen years, she might even rebuff you at home. Teens are notoriously moody too: One day she shrugs you off; the next she’s desperate for that hug.

Keep offering, says Arnall, but follow your child’s cues. When he’s young, keep up routines like bedtime tuck-ins. As he gets older, find new ways to show your affection — an arm wrestle, even a haircut or a manicure can connect you with your teen. And one day, he might just give you the hug you need when you’re having a bad day.