Under Scrutiny


Sometimes I feel really sorry for my son as every move he makes, every thing he does is always observed, noted and reported back to us - the parents.  Take a few months ago for example.  He had not been concentrating in class and had not been particularly well behaved.  When this happens I know what comes next...and I am sure that any ASD  parent reading this now has a knowing smile on their face.  This is because we all know that when our child is acting a little different or a little less concentrated, that we - the parents -  will be put on the spot to explain why they are behaving in this way.

The routine questions/interrogation that I seem to get time and time again are:
Have they been eating a lot of sugar ? 
 My answer: Of course not, I have nothing in the house - they only eat these things at birthday parties or for a special treat.

Any changes at home? Problems?
No, (racking my brains trying to find any explanation for them!)  What I really want to do is shout at them - I am a responsible parent! and a teacher! If anything had been going on, I would have informed you!

So now I have learnt to turn it back on them. 
Saying to them, well, he had no PE yesterday which means that YOU (meaning the school) changed his routine so maybe that's why!
Or that YOU (or the classroom assisstant) were ill and so away for a few days so he had a  different classroom teacher/assistant  which means a change in routine so maybe that's why!  
Turning the interrogation back on to them may not solve any problems but at least it means they have to sometimes consider their own actions and not blame his home life.

But my question is : Why do I have to struggle to find an explanation to appease them?  
Can't he just have a bad day or week?  Do other children never have bad days? 
And when they do, are THEIR parents asked the same questions as me or is it just mention in passing.  As a mother, I want to hear how he is excelling in maths, how we can nurture this or that he is doing well in Greek despite his difficulty in language and linguistic.  I understand that I need to hear his negatives but I don't want that to be the main focus of most conversations.

So to all teachers out there who have any kind of special needs child in their classroom, PLEASE, get rid of the scrutiny and understand that they have bad days too!  
Observe them subtly, encourage them fully, and don't forget to tell us how well they are doing too. 

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