Paupers in castles - Paula Manoli-Gray
We recently celebrated my daughter's birthday with a children's party at our home, and just as we did in March for my son, we invited school friends and their parents, many of whom we had not met before.
And whilst I love holding parties in my home, in the run-up to the 'event' I started to panic about how my abode would appear to those who have not seen it before. And to be honest, it looks pretty darn shocking…
It's not because we are filthy and live like savages (oh who am I kidding, I have two children, so there is never a 'tidy' moment in it), but because as is typical for a house built in Cyprus, it needs constant maintenance or looks completely rundown.
We bought our house 11 years ago from a developer who was building a row of six houses, and are still waiting for our deeds (another, different issue…) I know there are many, many horror stories that range from shoddy workmanship to downright criminal building negligence, but we were lucky to have my Cypriot father visiting every day and moaning at the builders to get things right. Had he not been on their case, I can't imagine how many more issues we would have on top of the ones we have now - the ones that make us look like we live in a house about to be bulldozed with the amount of cracks and pieces falling off!
I am acutely aware that Cypriots are very, very house proud and that many of them are particular with maintaining their homes and keeping them spic and span, hence why I start having palpitations when they turn up at mine for a kid's party and see a house that looks like a) it has been vomited on by a juvenile art fairy (that would be the children's artwork covering the cracks in the wall and the garish colours to make it a cheerful home for them), and b) it is just about ready to fall down on their heads (it isn't, but it sure looks rather sorry for itself). On top of that, our cesspit is far too shallow (another building blunder), and being that we live on a slope, fills up with the waste of all six houses, thus overflowing constantly and costing us a fortune to empty frequently. This is on top of the badly installed water pipes that have caused countless problems, the shower that was not sealed that led to major ceiling damage in the living room, and the cemented electricity pipes. Just a selection of the 'quality' work performed on our significant investment.
And yet, I think we have got off lightly compared to some of the problems I hear from other people. I have one friend who bought a property in Tersefanou who has literally abandoned it as it is a train wreck that won't get rectified by the developer, and is just too much stress and hassle to seek justice for. A very sad situation.
So why is our building industry in such a shambles? Does the nature of our climate condemn our houses to the kind of decay we witness - just as the dust condemns us to a ridiculous level of housework, or is our construction industry too lax? I simply can't understand how we have not yet worked out a method to build houses and pavements that will not start to crack and crumble almost instantly… how do they do it everywhere else in the world?
And so with so much maintenance being needed in our particular home, we just end up looking like paupers living in a castle!
First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 22/05/15
Whose to blame?
"So what do you think causes autism?" is a question I am often asked by parents and therapists alike. Everyone is looking for something to blame...but why? I think that people (especially parents) believe that if they can figure out what causes it, then they can somehow avoid their child "catching" it. But before I tell you what I believe, lets run through some theories...
"You probably already know what causes autism, it is the MMR vaccination." I have heard this from a lot of parents, and it is a hot medical topic, even today. Did you know that the link between MMR and autism was suggested by parents. And that well-documented, wide-ranging studies have discounted any association time and time again, including most recently a study by the Llewyn group published in The Journal of the American Medical Association which surveyed nearly 100,000 children. Other theories on the anti-vaccination bandwagon include blaming the mercury (thiomersal) that was formerly used in vaccinations and combination vaccines.
So why blame vaccines?
Well I suppose that if vaccines are to blame, then it is not the parents fault. No, it is the pharmaceutical companies and the doctors. However, to me this is all false logic as
firstly autism existed before vaccines were invented, secondly, many children who are not vaccinated still turn out to be autistic, and thirdly, modern evidence indicates that it is more likely genetic. As the mother of an ASD child the suggestion that it's just brain damage caused by vaccinations is actually insulting, as it does not represent who my son is at all.
In fact a lot of ASD children are brain advanced! I mean check out Daniel Tammet, Temple Gradin (and of course Jacob Barnett).
My son's only genetic test was for Klinefelter syndrome which is known as 47 XXY because he was very tall with a large head (but test came back negative). Although other genetic testing could have been done (the most common being fragile X syndrome) we decided not to pursue it. Firstly because it took 4 nurses to hold my son down to get blood out of him (a traumatic experience for both my son and husband- thank god I wasn't there!). Secondly, what would I gain from it? Knowing where it came from would change nothing for me or my son.
So what is my theory about the causes of autism? That nothing that can be controlled is to blame.
I believe that it develops from the very beginning (in the zygote) but lies dormant in your child. That it will awaken (this is inevitable) but that the "trigger" is different for each child. My son's trigger occurred at around 4 years of age - 2 years and 9 months after his MMR. I had a normal, healthy pregnancy, in which I drank no alcohol, and took no medication (I drank the odd glass of red wine through my second pregnancy and my second son is not ASD). He was born at 41 weeks, and is not allergic to gluten or dairy.
Whatever his genetic cause is, I blame no one. Not the doctors or pharmaceutical companies, not even myself. I know that this is hard for some people to accept, but it is just one of those things- it happens in life and we just have to deal with it.
I believe that it develops from the very beginning (in the zygote) but lies dormant in your child. That it will awaken (this is inevitable) but that the "trigger" is different for each child. My son's trigger occurred at around 4 years of age - 2 years and 9 months after his MMR. I had a normal, healthy pregnancy, in which I drank no alcohol, and took no medication (I drank the odd glass of red wine through my second pregnancy and my second son is not ASD). He was born at 41 weeks, and is not allergic to gluten or dairy.
Whatever his genetic cause is, I blame no one. Not the doctors or pharmaceutical companies, not even myself. I know that this is hard for some people to accept, but it is just one of those things- it happens in life and we just have to deal with it.
In the end I decided to put all my efforts into helping my son improve, not into finding out what is to blame. And so far it has worked out wonderfully!
Progress closed on Sundays? - Paula Manoli-Gray
The recent decision to end Sunday shopping hours – which thankfully was reversed back again to allow the continuation of Sunday shopping - left the majority of the island stunned and confused. The question asked was why would anyone want to say 'no' to an increase of jobs, greater convenience for the citizens of the island, and the encouragement of tourists?
I for one was gutted at the prospect of losing my Sunday supermarket shopping, despite it being easy for me to do it on any day as a freelancer, so I can't imagine how frustrated those who work a 9-to-5 during the week must have felt. It would basically amount to a loss of freedom, as well as income for the many who were hired to man those extra hours.
There was once-upon-a-time a belief that if you opened on Sunday you would be 1) be sinning and 2) kill the tradition of family Sunday meals. And I must admit that I always quite liked the fact that Cyprus made Sunday a forced day of rest. But that was my view 15 years ago, and as times have changed, so have my opinions!
Personally, I believe that if you are a good, God-fearing individual, then you show that in other, far more important ways than not buying a pint of milk on Sunday! And when it comes to family, I doubt any member of a loving, close family would decline a Sunday lunch invitation just so that they can go and buy a bunch of bananas or a new dress. In short, we are who we are and we do what we do, whether we have the luxury of extra hours in the week to get our shopping done or not. Shopping on Sunday will not corrupt us!
Small shop owners claimed that the Sunday shopping hours were killing them off, as they could not afford to open on Sunday and compete with those who could. With the action they then took, did they really expect to curry favour amongst consumers? Did they believe that a magic wand would be waved and customers would automatically start shopping with them just because they couldn't go to other shops on Sunday? If 'they' think that the equation is very simplistic – no Sunday shops, no competition - then 'they' are insulting our intelligence to believe that we cannot contain ourselves and will stray if they are not open on Sunday and someone else is. At the end of the day, if there is a small shop I like and it is not open on Sunday, I will just go another day – but of course it also depends on what the small shop offers over the larger one, which is not affected by which days of the week either open.
But whilst we are on the subject, there are other opening hours that sorely need revising… that of banks, government offices and post offices. I am amazed that they have yet to be altered and there cannot be many European countries where everyone has to scramble to get essential chores done in a timeframe that is not only small, but also takes place during most people's working hours and never after.
Is it not logical to think that if everyone has to visit the above mentioned services in just a few hours of the day (and not at any time during the weekend) that they will then be slow, saturated and overworked?
And yet, we still get annoyed when the rest of the world says that we are a backward country living in the dark ages!
First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 15/05/15
Where the customer is never right - Paula Manoli-Gray
Customer Service and Cyprus. Not a combination of words I personally would put together, and I have no doubt that every person who reads this on the island will have had their fair share of bad service experiences, ranging from the disappointing to the infuriating. And if it is slowly getting better, it is only marginally improving at best.
One of the worse things that occurs on the island is when the wrong price is on a label, ticket or shelf and the price at the till is higher. For most countries, it is not an issue; price on product is what the customer pays, after all, it is the shop's error and not the customer's…
…Not in Cyprus! You get told in no uncertain terms that someone made a mistake on the ticket, and what is displayed on the till/computer is what goes. Period. On so many occasions I have argued that it is not legal (from what I know), and that the customer pays the price displayed. After all, if this practice was allowed, then customers could take anything to a till only to be told an inflated made-up price by the cashier if they felt like it. Nope, this is a no brainer – price on ticket is price you pay – unless it is sale time and it has been marked down further! I have to note here that supermarkets are generally good and honour the price or special offer, even if it displays differently on the till (but I do say 'generally good' and not 'as a policy'!).
The other practice that I despise (and yes, that is a strong word but I really cannot stand it) is when you want to exchange something and are made to sign your name and write down your phone number on the receipt. This makes me feel as though the store is judging me and trying to ensure that I am not a criminal out to scam them. I also don't believe that they have the right to ask for my personal details, just because I have decided to return something (with receipt). Is this legal? Should they be able to ask for our personal details and claim this as a prerequisite for returning goods?
Which brings me on to receipts. No receipt, no exchange. In some cases, I can understand this - for example, if the goods can be purchased from multiple stores. But when the item has clearly come from a shop, displays their name, includes their ticket with the price and their name (again) then there is no excuse not to exchange it. Surely all that is needed is to scan the barcode to verify for the umpteenth time that said item cannot physically have come from any other shop! Apparently not. And don't even get me started on the 'no refund' and the 'can't use gift or credit vouchers during sale time' policies.
The reason why this topic came to mind is because for the first time in all my years living in Larnaca, the price on the ticket was honoured despite it being a Euro more at the till! To say I was shocked is an understatement! But I am not getting ahead of myself and thinking that there are big changes coming, because despite them begrudgingly fixing the issue, the manager did not make eye contact, smile or say a polite word to me the entire time!
Fwd: Stop Learning, Start Thinking!
I cannot take credit for these extremely wise words. They come from the mouth of a 14 year old ASD boy; Jacob Barnett. But I tell you what, these words changed my life, because they changed my understanding of how my son learns, and what he needs in order to learn.
How did I find out about this amazing child? Well, a couple of years ago I became slightly obsessed with TED talks (a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks) using many of them as a teaching tool, mainly for my older classes (I am a Secondary school teacher). Well, Jacob Barnett was in the news because he was doing a Masters in the field of condensed matter (at aged 14!). His work was so original that he set a record, becoming the world's youngest astrophysics researcher. Anyway, when I typed his name in Google, I found he had done a TEDxTeen talk called "Forget what you know" (I highly recommend watching it).
So, what did I learn from this unique young man? How did I find out about this amazing child? Well, a couple of years ago I became slightly obsessed with TED talks (a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks) using many of them as a teaching tool, mainly for my older classes (I am a Secondary school teacher). Well, Jacob Barnett was in the news because he was doing a Masters in the field of condensed matter (at aged 14!). His work was so original that he set a record, becoming the world's youngest astrophysics researcher. Anyway, when I typed his name in Google, I found he had done a TEDxTeen talk called "Forget what you know" (I highly recommend watching it).
Firstly that I had to allow my son to look at things in his own unique perspective. To do this he had to "stop learning and start thinking". At the time, the summer holidays were approaching and even though the therapists gave me a lot of material to practice, I decided to not really do too much. The odd lesson here and there and one or two worksheets at the beginning of the holidays. I decided to take a risk (as I was constantly being told that he had to be worked continuously) and let him think through all the material that he had learnt that year. And guess what...it worked!
Observing him, i could see that he was working things out, that the wheels in his head were turning. Words, verbs, nouns - they suddenly became clear to him. For the first time he could show me exactly which noun / verb I was saying without repetition and hesitation. He did so well that most of the therapists thought I had worked him all summer long. I would just smile and keep my little secret, whispering it to myself, (thank you Jacob Barnett).
From that day on, we made sure we gave our son some thinking time. Even now we organise his lessons into blocks of time, (September to Christmas, January to Easter, after Easter to summer) and give him a whole week off afternoon therapies halfway through each block, so he can think about the material he has covered.
The second thing that clicked for me, was the notion - why does an ASD child need to do all the things another child does. Barnett was working on disproving one of Einstein's theories and he is a child prodigy, but he can't draw a cat or tie up his shoelaces - so how important are these little skills in the grand scheme of things? My son struggled with his colours and learning songs. How important are these things in his life? Not very, so I told his therapists to lay off them for a while. I would like to say that he knows them now, but that would be lying. Some days he knows his colours, some days he doesn't. When he is happy he sings song he knows, but we don't push him to pronounce each word clearly. We just enjoy his happiness.
So there it is, true inspiration from a truly remarkable source.
A Larnaca girl in Paphos - Paula Manoli-Gray
My family and I had a weekend away in Paphos last week, and as I always do, I found myself comparing the region with Larnaca. Not in a negative or competitive way, but more in a curious 'how is life in other towns' way.
It is always interesting to visit the other towns of the island as both a tourist and a local of the island, as you get unique take on the area, and I like to holiday on-island: 1) to make the most of areas I don't see much of, and 2) to support local tourism. But that said, it is in no way cheap or particularly cost-effective, and probably costs the same as holidaying abroad in the long run.
My first comment is that we felt very harassed along the harbour, with every restaurant vying for our business. The restaurant's staff do not specifically target tourists with this horrible behaviour; they knew we were locals and spoke to us in both English and Greek. I have to say, this relentless pressure put me in a bad mood and tainted my experience, but it was dinnertime and we were hungry so we chose a fish restaurant despite wanting to scream at the staff to stop talking to us! We were very disappointed in the size of the meals for the price of them, to the point that we would call the food portions 'positively stingy'! I suppose that is neither here nor there as we probably have our fair share of such places in Larnaca, but being that I know where to eat and stick to my favourites here, I wouldn't know which of our restaurants are also guilty of this practice. Answers on a postcard please!
That aside, Paphos - like the areas Limassol and free Famagusta - does have something that we are sorely lacking in Larnaca, and which would be a most welcome boon to parents... child-friendly restaurants with some form of entertainment. Whilst our chosen restaurant disappointed us meal-wise, it was one of the few dining-out experiences hubby and I have managed to enjoy at a relaxed pace thanks to the kids being occupied and very happy at the restaurant's play area. The other few times have been outside of Larnaca where the majority of restaurants have fabulous big play structures. Even a popular island-wide chain that we also have in Larnaca had a play area and children's character plates and plastic cups in the Limassol mall branch, whereas our Larnaca branch does not.
And, as all parents know, happy children equal happy mealtimes! Larnaca really needs to take a leaf out of the other town's books when it comes to child-friendly dining… I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that we are not a touristy resort, and therefore our restaurants are not fighting for the tourist trade? Or are we just behind on this concept? Of course, if you are not a parent, or your children have flown the nest, you probably quite like this lack of chaos when you dine, but with my two still young, it is certainly something that I would see as an improvement to our region.
Talking of malls, we visited the malls in both Limassol and Paphos, and whilst I enjoyed both, I still remain grateful that we do not have one in Larnaca. I think a mall would spell the certain death of the high street and I would hate to see our town centre suffer. And as we have Nicosia's mall just a twenty minute drive away, it is nice to have that 'going-out-for-the-day-to-the-mall' feeling and having to leave Larnaca to do it.
So, whilst I do not envy the malls of other towns, I do envy their child-friendly dining… just as long as I am not harassed to eat at them!
First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 01/05/15
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