The month of bombings - Paula Manoli-Gray

I don't know how it is for your particular areas, but it distresses me to say that that the annual tradition of setting things alight or being potentially maimed – otherwise known as The-Firecrackers-of-Easter – is in full swing in my area.

First of all, I want to know where these young children, who are left to run riot in the streets at all hours, have obtained these fireworks. Their parents must be aware of it as they are letting them off in their own neighbourhood, just doors away from their homes, in the parks. Unfortunately, the two parks are directly next-door and opposite to my home, so these menaces of society are right on MY doorstep letting off bangs and bombs. I do hear the parents shout at them to stop or come home, but it seems as though they are fully aware that their 6-11 year-olds have these fireworks in their possession, and are okay with it, as long as they are 'careful'.

The police force does indeed run an awareness campaign every year, and yet every year gangs of young children continue to have access to fireworks. The very least they are intimidating and noisy, in the worse case, children have lost eyes and fingers, and yet the 'tradition' continues unabated.

Alongside the fireworks is the foraging for bonfire fodder for the fire that burns an effigy of Judas during one the church services. Every year this too gets out of hand with the youth taking/stealing anything they can get their hands on to build their (illegal) bonfires, including items that are not suitable for burning or that can become toxic when burnt. Plastic chairs and toys, synthetic clothing, household rubbish… you name it, it goes on. I have seen groups literally take anything that is not nailed down, and one year, a group of youths was ransacking the salt lake path, pulling down the beautiful (and protected) trees willy-nilly.

As much as I love the run-up to Easter, I hate the month-long assault of firecrackers and pipe bombs, and the nightly bonfires which rage out of control - it terrifies me. On the night itself that marks Christ's resurrection, the island sounds like it is in the midst of full-scale war and the ear-splitting pipe bombs must terrify unsuspecting tourists. I wonder how many of them genuinely panic that the war of 1974 has been reignited? Of course, on that particular night, the fireworks and bombs are let off with the consent of the church… and how the heck are these children making their own pipe bombs, is that not terrifying in its own right?

I am all for traditions and appreciate that we have some unique ones, but let's be serious for a minute. If we are allowing children to purchase and let off fireworks in public without supervision, and if we are allowing children to ransack the streets to build big bonfires in the name of religion, then we are going seriously wrong somewhere. The youths participating are not devout Orthodox who are doing this to demonstrate their religion and their profound feelings on the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ, they are doing it because it is a dangerous, thrilling, rebellious, naughty kind of fun.

So, as I do every year, I will cover my ears and pray that no one loses a finger or an eye… for what else can I do?

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 29/03/14

How to inspire your kid to do better at aschool

Make it fun for you!

The attitude any child has toward school comes from one of two places: personal experience or from the attitudes around them – the vibes, the attitudes they see others have toward school and learning. School may have rules – but learning can be fun. That attitude of “fun” comes from you the parent.

Incorporate learning with games. 

The school system understands this and programs are geared toward making learning fun for young kids in order to motivate learning and maintain interest. This should be the goal at home. The first experience with school should be fun, interesting, caring. This should also be considered when picking day care or pre-kindergarten schools.

Be involved not a dictator. 

While time is a commodity that many of us do not have and it is simply so easy just to say "I don't have time", we as parents need to spend time with our children. The times in mind are homework, study sessions and most importantly of all – to be present at school functions. Children feel much more motivated to learn if they know you care about what they are doing in school.

Mistakes are ok.

The one thing adults and children instinctively have in common is: the fear of failure. Children need to learn that making mistakes is ok, that you can learn from mistakes and that failure is nothing to worry about. Often times we as parent refuse to admit mistakes to our children – who know full well when we are wrong. Failure, mistakes are a part of the learning process and should be seen as a motivator, a challenge: you learn from your mistakes and you become better. In school the fear of making a mistake, can cause children to shy away from learning and school all together.

Children and technology

Media technology is here to stay and has become a permanent part of our lives. But there is great concern about how it may be affecting our children. I believe we can learn to embrace its advantages, reduce its adverse effects and raise children who can still relate heart to heart with people, appreciate and participate in the beauty and wonders of nature and grow up to be well rounded, healthy, caring and compassionate adults. The challenge for parents is to understand the benefits and pitfalls of children’s technology use and to help their children create balance in their lives.

Why should we be concerned?

The amount of time children spend using media technology, including computers, cell phones, video games and MP3 players among others, is setting off alarms. The fear is not only that this technology is replacing physical and imaginative play, but that it also may be diminishing development of social skills, heart connection and empathy for others.

Children and teens between ages eight and 18 spend an average of seven hours and 38 minutes daily playing video games, going online and watching TV, and most have no household rules governing how much time they’re allowed to spend doing these things, according to the 2010 study, “Generation M2: Media in the Lives of 8- to 18-Year-Olds,” conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Add to that the time spent eating, sleeping and attending school during the week, and little time is left for anything else such as playing outside or at the playground with other children, participating in athletics, socializing with friends and family or engaging in afterschool and weekend activities.

Studies over the past decade have concluded that a large number of adolescents and teens today are having difficulty identifying emotions in people, thus creating an inability to feel empathy toward others who may be feeling pain, sorrow, anger and other emotions. There is concern that excessive viewing of real or contrived violence online and/or playing video games that are violent or contain other age-inappropriate content could be numbing the sensitivities of young people, immunizing them from experiencing compassion and caring for others.

How to deal with an insecure child

Most children experience insecurity at some point or other, but a chronically insecure child is hard for parents to handle. You might feel guilty or sad that your child is suffering emotionally. Finding your child a therapist trained to deal with insecurity can really help, but there are things that you can do with your child to help stem insecure feelings and make her more comfortable.

Monitor Your Emotions
Many times, your actions and example rub off on your child, so if talking to strangers or going to the doctor makes you insecure, chances are your child will pick up on that and follow suit. Keep your own insecurity at bay when your child comes to you about a fight with a friend or a failing grade, suggests social worker Janet Lehman on the Empowering Parents website. Be available for your child, but make sure you keep your own feelings out of the equation so they don't influence how he reacts to a situation or person in his life.

Create Family Traditions
You probably can't banish insecurity from your child's life altogether, but knowing she can count on her family gives her a sense of security that can carry her through other situations she encounters. Family traditions are a valuable way to help children feel as though they belong and have a rightful place in the world, notes Glynnis Whitwer, author of "When Your Child is Hurting." Family game night, a trip to the pizza place after sports games or ice cream on report card day are all options. Everyday traditions such as naming one positive thing that happened or taking a walk after dinner are important too.

Active Listening
As a parent, it can be overwhelmingly difficult not to jump in and fix every problem your child is having. When it comes to insecurity, whether it stems from peers, performance in the classroom or making the basketball team, listening to your child talk about his feelings can help him cope. Lehman suggests asking your child what you can do to help. Listen carefully to what your child tells you without minimizing his feelings or trying to take over and solve the problem, she adds. Respond with empathy and understanding so your child knows you know what he's going through and are available when he needs you.

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