Being kinder to ourselves - Paula Manoli-Gray

Happy 2015! Who doesn't love the opportunity/excuse to erase the slate and start afresh? The start of a new year – full of shiny promises – provides the perfect push for this, whether it is a career change, a health and fitness overhaul, fulfilling a dream, working on relationships, or simply pledging to become a better version of yourself.

And that is where we trip ourselves up; we expect to suddenly be able to work miracles with our lives, and ourselves, after we have not managed to achieve our objectives in all our years to date.

I like to think I am a generally positive person, and I believe that a positive attitude and being proactive will get you further, but it has to also have a good measure of realism included in it. Real, ordinary lives with jobs and families do not allow the luxury of unlimited time and resources to go out and work flat out on just chasing your dreams, and yet, we are constantly told that if we would only work harder on our goals, they would be ours for certain.

All my life I wanted to be a famous singer – to secure a record deal and be performing on stage. I did everything in my power to obtain this from writing letters to record companies when I was just six years old, to writing my own songs, working as a student to raise the money to record them, and sending them out constantly. As you have gathered, I am not a famous recording artist, and it is not for a lack of trying, an absence of positive thinking, or not enough self-belief. It is just the way it is.

So when I read books, articles or Facebook posts telling me that if I haven't achieved my dreams it is because I haven't visualised hard enough; haven't put enough positive energy into the universe, or have not sent my goals the right amount of good thoughts etc, it actually makes me a little cross. I know that my failure to get to where I want to be is not because I am a bad person, going wrong somewhere, but there are many far more impressionable and sensitive folk who do actually believe their failures are their own fault. Are we to then surmise that the parent who cannot feed their children, or has been out of work for a year is in this position because of their lack of positivity? And that if only they really, really wanted it, they could totally change their life around, just by wishing it so? Positive thinking is great stuff, but the religion of it and its zealots can be dangerous stuff.

There is also this belief that if you haven't achieved the biggest, most grand of things, then you are failing and your life is worthless. The big successes have shifted to being on reality TV for five minutes for being an attention-seeking, freak, and breaking a world record for having the longest tongue, rather than the things that actually keep the world together. Ordinary people who quietly contribute to society through a job that benefits people remain unsung heroes; parents working hard to raise the next generation don't even make the short-list of what constitutes a success. And as for being kind and generous, this is sneered upon in the money-hungry times we live in. 

If you make only one resolution to yourself this year, please pledge to be kinder to yourself and recognise the smaller things you have achieved. And whilst it is always good to constantly and quietly work at being the best version of yourself… you CAN do it at your own pace, and without the need for fireworks, or earth shifting changes.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 01/01/14

Karaoke 4 Kids

Red lentil, chickpea & chilli soup

Come home to a warming bowlful of this filling, low-fat soup .... 

Method

Heat a large saucepan and dry-fry the cumin seeds and chilli flakes for 1 min, or until they start to jump around the pan and release their aromas. Add the oil and onion, and cook for 5 mins. Stir in the lentils, stock and tomatoes, then bring to the boil. Simmer for 15 mins until the lentils have softened.

Whizz the soup with a stick blender or in a food processor until it is a rough purée, pour back into the pan and add the chickpeas. Heat gently, season well and stir in the coriander. Finish with a dollop of yogurt and coriander leaves.

Ingredients 
2 tsp cumin seeds
large pinch chilli flakes
1 tbsp olive oil
1 red onion, chopped
140g red split lentils
850ml vegetable stock or water
400g can tomatoes, whole or chopped
200g carton chickpeas or ½ a can, rinsed and drained (freeze leftovers)
small bunch coriander, roughly chopped (save a few leaves, to serve)
4 tbsp 0% Greek yogurt, to serve

Big night, big pressure! - Paula Manoli-Gray

So, who will be going out on New Year's Eve to celebrate? Not me! It hasn't been me for nearly six years, which by some strange coincidence, coincides with when we first became parents…

Although I can't really go out and ring in 2015 with abandonment, I am not sure I would, even if I could. NYE is possibly one of the most pressure-laden nights out ever invented. First there is the decision of where and how to spend it out of all the many venues promising 'the best night of the year'. Then there is the inflated cost of it all; even if you are going to the same venue you have frequented every weekend for the whole of the year, you are suddenly paying through the nose for your usual bar stool. And finally, there is the work-up of how it is going to be 'mega, epic, legendary, amazing' etc, only to find that nine times out of ten, it is actually just the same as every other night out you have enjoyed – or endured – throughout the course of the year.

NYE is also the universal cut-off for seasonal gluttony! Everyone goes a little crazy with the calories, not worrying too much, as from January first, it will all end and good habits will be reinstated – or started. As such, December 31 is your one last, final, never-to-be-had-again chance to really push the calorie counter over the red before the 'fresh start'. In reality, you will probably consume too many calories again by the first weekend of January, thus making NYE's gluttony nothing but a con that you fall for every year.

When I was a teenager/young adult, I did have some memorable NYE nights out in Cyprus and London, and did indeed pay (gladly) through the nose for the pleasure of them, although all nights out were good back then, so it was probably just more expensive, rather than actually being better. Nonetheless, the memories are happily stored in my photo albums, but when I look at that young me, I wish I could jump into the photos and tell her to stop partying and start stocking up on some sleep, and warn her that motherhood would ensure that she could never stay up past 9pm again, let alone watch the sun rise.

Actually, it would be a lie to say that every NYE since becoming a parent have meant an early night from exhaustion and sleeping through the midnight clock chimes…  some of them I have been awake for… either sat at the cot side of a screaming baby that will not go to sleep, or driving one around to get them to sleep. A couple of years back, as the fireworks could be heard in the distance with the faint sound of music and laughter, hubby and I were dealing with one or both of our non-sleepers when our bleary eyes met across the room. It was a tragic and poetic moment worthy of an 'Eastenders' episode ending drumbeat. For those who are not familiar with the English television series, it is full of miserable people leading depressing and overly-dramatic lives, with each episode ending at a particularly revealing or tragic part, signalled by a single drum, beating out the start of the theme tune.

If you are going out, I hope you have a wonderful time, and I will do what I do every January first; live vicariously through all the photographs of other people's nights out that are plastered all over the social media networks. So, have a good one for me. Cheers!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly 25/12/14

When it rains it pours - Paula Manoli-Gray

So, how did everyone enjoy our new car marina last weekend? And by 'car marina', I mean the floods that turned our cars into boats?

Joking aside, last weekend's flooding was horrendous – worse for some than others, depending on what area you live in.

Personally, I was parked in a side street of the Saint Lazarus area and watched in horror from the venue window as the water levels rose to cover half the height of the car. In the evening when I left, I managed to wade knee-deep to the car, squeeze into the driver's seat from the less-flooded passenger side, only to find myself sat in a puddle! The car had flooded inside. Okay, not the most tragic thing that could happen in a flood when you look at what people in other parts of the world suffer, but for a little Larnaca gal, it was traumatic enough, and I spent the evening with my feet in a bowl of warm water and a hot water bottle feeling rather sorry for myself!

But as it turns out, our car got off lightly! From all over the town, we heard and saw horror stories of houses flooded, shop stock destroyed, cars completely submerged or swimming in 'lakes', electricity outages, and residents who could not get to their homes as their roads had been cordoned off by police – accompanied by a soundtrack of wailing emergency vehicles. And although it was not on a par with the devastating floods that other countries have experienced, it was a very tiny but scary glimpse into what those battling catastrophic floods contend with, and not one I would like to experience again.

It goes without saying that we cannot control weather conditions, hence why there is always a 'force majeure' / 'act of God' clause in insurance policies, and it is not the fault of our powers-that-be that it rains. Last weekend was a particularly severe case of flooding – of the worse we have had – so it would not be fair to come down too hard on those who govern us. But, the truth is, it doesn't take much rain for Larnaca to flood, and so therefore I believe it is their fault that they cannot provide their citizens with decent roads that can cope with rain.

Am I being ignorant on this matter to believe that there are methods to prevent flooding and that they should be implemented, or is it far more complicated than that? Maybe there is a valid reason for why we continue to have to put up with this very dangerous occurrence, almost every time it rains? Thankfully, last weekend's floods were damaging enough to have an impact, and on Monday a meeting was held with the mayor, emergency services, civil engineers and others on putting together a contingency plan so we do not end up in the same situation, as well as the setting up of a helpline and practical and financial assistance to those worse hit. For the time being, I will allow my faith to be restored, but how much faith I do have in their words is debatable.

On the plus side, the dams had a good injection of water, the flamingos at the salt lake are very happy, my rather neglected trees have finally had a really good, long drink, and the wash that the car was desperately in need of has been nicely taken care of, although I didn't really plan on giving it a hosing on the inside too!

First appeared in They Cyprus Weekly, 19/12/14