Having a ‘cracking’ time - Paula Manoli-Gray

At the beginning of spring, I am always bouncing with joy at the prospect of my favourite season in Cyprus… until my hay fever kicks in, the wet weather continues intermittently and the 'bombings' of Easter begin.

I won't harp on about the dangers of the ridiculous tradition of youths letting off pipe bombs and firecrackers, because we all know that a) it is a crazy pastime and, b) it is inevitably going to happen in the lead-up to Easter.

What I will comment on is the faux efforts of authorities and parents to clamp down on this practise, which – in my opinion – is very half-hearted and just for show. I think that at the end of the day, the island's belief that it is a rite of passage and a right to maintain this tradition by far outweighs the realisation that it is one of the most terrifying and destructive aspects of living on the island.

The truth is, most of us ordinary, law-abiding citizens - who do not partake in the theft of items to burn and the letting off of bombs - are actually terrified, and terrorised by the groups that do it, and they are only kids. In essence, we are being held hostage by mere kids.

I live next door and opposite to a park, and the kids that are trying desperately to blow themselves up are under the age of 13. And they are doing it not only on my doorstep, but on their own too, which means that we are not the only ones who can see and hear what they are up to… ergo sum, their parents, and the local authorities can too. And yet, day after day, night after night it is the same madness, and I cannot let my kids anywhere near our parks for fear an unexploded firework might go off, and I am forced to jump out of my skin every time they let off (what sounds like) the world's biggest homemade pipe bomb. Do I tell them off? I can try, but the likelihood is that their parents will come and have a go at me with great indignation that junior's sacred right to maim himself for life has dared to be challenged.

And as for the theft and vandalism, what kind of country are we living in when a blind eye is turned to these crimes because 'it is tradition'? Sorry, there is no way that the authorities are doing enough or doing it with all their efforts and manpower, because I know of countless people who have called the police to report thefts, illegal bonfires or fireworks, and either no one has attended, or the youths have been mildly told to go away without any follow-up, warning or punishment.

As a parent, I have to be careful what I say about other parents and how they raise their offspring, but I think this is one time when I can confidently say that if your child is hanging around in parks, letting off illegal fireworks, lighting bonfires and stealing other people's property to fuel said fire, then either you know about it and condone it (bad parenting 101), or you need to have a much better handle on your child's whereabouts (also bad parenting 101). There, I said it out loud.

So, who can we lay the blame on? the people that sell fireworks? schools? the ineffective laws, lawmakers and implementers of laws? the police force? parents? or the youths themselves? One thing is certain, we are failing miserably as an island, and will probably do so until an unspeakable tragedy befalls our youth and it is too late.

First appeared in 'The Cyprus Weekly' newspaper, 03/04/15.

Easter Egg Hunt at Cyherbia

When:

Holy Friday, Saturday and Easter Monday (10th, 11th and 13th of April) from 9 till 6. 

Easter Sunday the park will be closed.
It’s that time of year again, when hundreds of Easter eggs have found themselves hidden in the Maze. 

Can you help to find them?
Also, Easter I Spy game in the Herb Garden, find the nests in the Woodland and have you seen the hidden bunnies?
Other games include Egg & Spoon Race, Sack Race and Tug of War. Games are ongoing all day, last admission 4 pm.
Entrance including all games and herbal (ice) tea is 5 euros p.p. Under 3's free.

Little Kickers Easter Egg Hunt

The Mad Hatter of nations - Paula Manoli-Gray

We are notorious for being an island with its own sense of time, and there is a long-standing joke about GMT - 'Greek Maybe Time' - thanks to people's uncanny knack for turning up horrendously late. But despite common perception that it is just a characteristic of the laid-back, hot and lazy conditions of the island, it is actually a very selective habit, which makes it all the worse.

Let me elaborate. People on the island have to go to work at certain times. They have to take their children to school and pick them up. They have to open and close shops and the like. These are everyday practises where you simply cannot be lax and late (persistently). So we can surmise that people on the island are in fact very capable of arriving on time when they have to. There are some exceptions to this – such as waiting for a courier, internet provider or handyman to turn up – but this happens the world over, so we can discount these professions for the sake of today's argument!

The issue of lateness happens mostly for social functions, and this is where I personally feel that the term 'late' sometimes goes hand-in-hand with 'disrespect'. When it comes to being invited somewhere or attending something outside of the normal work/school routine, it is like there is an unwritten law that you need to add one or more hours to the time given for said event/social function. So it goes like this: if you have been invited to someone's house for lunch at 12pm, you must not turn up until at least 1.30pm.

If you have ever been on the receiving end of this, you will be aware of the frustration, anger and pain of having your lovingly prepared meal go cold and soggy. When we first moved to Cyprus, my poor mother would almost be in tears at the sight of her banquets sitting there whilst we waited for relatives to decide to turn up. She has adapted now and usually tells visitors to arrive half an hour before she actually wants them to, but it is still soul crushing to see all your hard efforts go seemingly unappreciated.

Before I truly wizened up to getting myself to functions on time alone (instead of arranging to car share with late friends), I missed many a christening or wedding church service. My friend at the time would always want to pick me up half an hour after the event had started, whilst I argued that there was no point in turning up late when the whole point was to witness the ceremony. Despite her promises to turn up on time, she always managed to end up even later than her initial suggested time, and the two of us would enter the church as the wedding or baptism service would be ending. I found it extremely disrespectful and have never, ever been late since.

Now a parent, I have found that one of the worse cases of liberal time keeping is children's birthday parties. Only last week we were invited to a play-place party at 11am. We were the first there and as if by magic, the minute the clock struck 12pm, the majority of the guests arrived!

So why do people feel the need to disregard time? It can't be to make an entrance, as you would have to be the only one arriving late to have an impact when you walk into the room! I am afraid I have absolutely no answer regarding this practise, but if you do get a dinner invite from me, please turn up on time or you might end up wearing your (cold and soggy) meal… 

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 27/03/15

denial

Hi, my name is Christalla and I am an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) mother.  

I would like to begin with the worst point of my life because in my experience, when you become a special needs mum, you always begin with rock bottom.  For me that was July 2011 when my eldest son, who was four at the time, was diagnosed with ASD.  I remember sitting in the doctor's office, tears streaming down my face as he relayed to us the full diagnosis.  Then that sickening feeling...why didn't I realise it sooner.

They always tell you that as a mother you know when something is not quite right with your child.  Well I was a mother

AND a teacher - so I should definitely have known.  "I should have done something about it sooner" - that thought plagued me and ate me up inside for many many years.  It took over 2 years for me to let go of that feeling of guilt, to forgive myself. 

So why didn't I get him diagnosed sooner?  The simple answer is, denial.  When they say "don't ever underestimate the power of denial", it is true.  I have meet many mothers and fathers of ASD children who are in denial and who have had to go through the same emotions I did.  I think it is because our children are not born with obvious characteristics like parents of down syndrome children, (don't get me wrong, all special needs parents go through the same roller coaster of emotions), it is just that because ASD is diagnosed later in a child's life, it is easy to deny what it is, especially if like my son there are no obvious early symptoms.

I remember going through the checklist after his diagnosis:

     Did he make eye contact while breastfeeding?  Yes

    Did he smile when smiled at?  Yes

    Did he respond to his name or to the sound of a familiar voice?  Yes

    Did he point or wave goodbye or use other gestures to communicate?  Yes

    Did he make noises to get your attention?  Yes

    Did he initiate or respond to cuddling?  Yes

    Did he imitate your movements and facial expressions?  Yes

    Did he reach out to be picked up?  Yes

    Did he play with other people or share interest and enjoyment?  Yes

And the list went on and on.  My son did all of them, he reached all of his milestones except one...speech.  For speech, he reached the first few milestones, then stopped talking altogether.  However there were plenty of other reasons to feed into our denial:  we were a bilingual house and bilingual children tend to have an observation periods where they stop talking; boys tend to talk later than girls;  he had a problem with his ears (his ears were not getting rid of the excess wax, so he couldn't hear very well until the doctor removed the wax); he was shy..  However when there was still no progress after six months and speech therapy twice a week, we could deny it no longer, we had to see a developmental specialist.  That was where our denial stopped.

In my job I meet plenty of people, who when they find out I have an ASD son, tell me that their friend/relative has a child with obvious symptoms but the parents refuse to acknowledge it, lying to their friends, family and even doctor about what their child can do.  As an ex- denial expert I don't really know what to say except pray for them, pray that they see the light / or a developmental specialist sooner rather than later, because what the doctors and experts say is true - the younger you work them, the greater they become.  My son was four - by ASD standards quite old -  but I have seen him improve in leaps and bounds.  I still imagine where he would be now if my denial had ended earlier...