Helping children conquer their fears

A child becomes afraid when circumstances beyond her control, or circumstances she doesn’t understand, rock her fragile sense of safety. The process of development, birth and early growth presents many moments when a child’s sense of safety is challenged.And although we consider ourselves an advanced society, many children still face deeply isolating and even life-threatening situations early in their lives. Damage is also done by the harshness, threats, and violence commonly found in movies, cartoons, and fairy tales.

To release feelings of fear, your child will choose a pretext
The situations that installed fear made the child feel helpless and powerless. To safely release the fearful feelings, she hangs her fears on a pretext that is ordinary and commonplace. This way, she can bring up the feelings at a time when there is no real threat. As a child grows, her fears attach first to one pretext and then to another if she isn’t able to get the help she needs. Your child is ready to release feelings of fear when she is acting deeply afraid of a harmless situation. So, for instance, a toddler who was once treated in the emergency room for a second-degree burn may become terrified of having his mother brush his teeth. Or a child who spent a week in an isolette as an infant may collapse, “too weak” to take another step on a short family hike in the woods.

Fear releases in laughter
Play that helps children overcome their fears starts by giving a child Special Time, during which the grownup does whatever the child wants to do (See our booklet,Special Time, one of the Listening to Children booklets.) You are the listener. Notice what your child loves to do, and support her with closeness and approval. During this time, look for opportunities to take the less powerful role.If your child is pretending to go to work, playfully cry and beg her not to go. If your child wants to play chase, try to catch her, but fail most of the time. If your child asks to jump on the beds, playfully ask her to jump “carefully,” with enough of a sparkle in your eye that she’ll know it’s OK to surprise and scare you with how high she can jump. Your child’s fears will release as she laughs while you play this less powerful role. The longer you play and elicit laughter in this way, the bolder your child will become. But avoid ticking—it is not helpful.

The Importance of Friendship for School-Age Children

Friends are vital to school-age children's healthy development. Research has found that children who lack friends can suffer from emotional and mental difficulties later in life. Friendships provide children with more than just fun playmates. Friendships help children develop emotionally and morally. In interacting with friends, children learn many social skills, such as how to communicate, cooperate, and solve problems. They practice controlling their emotions and responding to the emotions of others. They develop the ability to think through and negotiate different situations that arise in their relationships. Having friends even affects children's school performance. Children tend to have better attitudes about school and learning when they have friends there. In short, children benefit greatly from having friends.

What parents can do to help child make friends
Parents play a crucial role in their child's social development. A child is not born with social skills. He needs parents who take an active role in preparing him to interact successfully with his peers. The most important thing parents can do for their child is to develop a loving, accepting, and respectful relationship with him. This warm relationship sets the stage for all future relationships, including friendships. It helps the child develop the basic trust and self-confidence necessary to go out and meet others. It provides a firm foundation on which the child can develop social skills.

Parents also teach their child various social skills by being a good role model. That is, a child learns from how his parents interact with him and other people. He learns how to meet people and talk to them, to tell stories and jokes, and to cooperate with others and ask for favors. He learns how to win or lose well, to apologize and accept apologies. He learns to accept compliments graciously and to show admiration and appreciation. Furthermore, he learns to be patient, respectful, and considerate. Parents help their child learn how to be a person others like to be around by showing him with their own actions.

How to Develop Child Creativity

1). Allow for your child to make simple choices, such as what to eat for dinner or where to go on a weekend. This encourages them to think independently, exercising an important aspect of creativity.

2).Encourage independence from caregivers and media. A child that is constantly entertained by others or the television will struggle to find things to do on their own without access to media.

3).Provide items in your child's environment to stimulate their imagination.Drawing supplies, blocks, books, and random craft supplies can all contribute to elaborate dramatic play schemes.

4).Brainstorm different uses for items with your child. For example, a cardboard tube can be a telescope, tower, or person. Validate all of your child's ideas, praising him or her for such an impressive imagination.

5). Ask your child open-ended questions to stretch their understanding and help them to postulate ideas.

Ask your child "what if" questions. "What if people could fly?" "What if people lived in space?" "What if dolphins walked on land?"
Involve your child in figuring out ways to make an improvement upon something. "How can we clean up the living room faster?" "How could we get water to the flowers without spilling any?" "What could we do to make the ball bounce higher?"

The effects of television on children

Television can help children relax after school, homework, play or sport. But this can create a habit that might be hard to break later. TV can also take time away from more creative play. Here are some ideas to help you find a balance.Most child development experts recommend limiting children’s daily screen time: no more than two hours a day for children over five. Screen time includes TV, DVD and computer time.

This is for the following reasons:

• The time children spend watching TV should be balanced with activities that are good for their development. These include active play, creative play (such as solving puzzles and drawing), sport and conversation with family and friends.
• Children can become too reliant on TV for ‘something to do’.
• Even having a TV on in the background affects children’s concentration.

A good balance of developmental activities with homework, sport and music should leave little time for TV.When you watch TV with your child, you can explain what’s happening and respond to your child’s reactions. You can also point out when characters behave in good and not-so-good ways. When you’re choosing TV or DVD programs for your school-age child, it’s a good idea to avoid the following:

• scary images. School-age children are getting better at processing scary or sad images, but they might still be upset by movies or programs showing the death of a parent or threats to children and animals
• violent content. Children in this age group might imitate violent behaviour if they see their TV heroes using violence to get what they want. This is true for cartoons and live-action shows
• TV news. Children at school are old enough to understand that things on the news are real. Reports of natural disasters and violent crimes, especially in familiar settings, can make them feel unsafe. Some parents prefer to record the news and watch it later, or watch a late bulletin

As children enter the school years and adolescence, the sexy images, clothes and dance moves on these programs can affect the way girls, in particular, feel about themselves and their sexual development.
Children under eight don’t understand that ads are designed to sell things. They believe that the ‘information’ in ads is true. Some ads work by making kids feel bad about themselves or how they look. These can be very damaging for children’s self-image and self-esteem.

Try to turn off the TV when the program is over. It can help to plan a smooth transition to another activity. Many parents find it easier to get children ready for school if the TV stays off in the morning. Kids find it easier to concentrate at school if they haven’t been watching TV. If your child’s favourite programs are on in the morning, just record them. This way your child can watch them later in the day, when you’re both tired and more in need of a break.

Maternal Relationship Reduces Violence and Improves Intelligence

There is no substitute for a good mother, and a mother’s influence is one of the most powerful forces in the lives of young children. Now, research shows that a healthy, playful relationship between a child and a mother leads to adult children with higher intelligence and less involvement in violence.

Beginning in the 1980s, researchers in Jamaica evaluated 129 toddlers who lived in impoverished areas and were at risk for poor nutrition and lack of stimulation. The children were divided into three intervention groups and one control group. One group received intellectual stimulation and interactive playtime with their mothers, one group was given supplemental baby formula, and one group received both stimulation and nutrition supplementation. A fourth group received no intervention. All interventions lasted 2 years. The follow-up period has now exceeded 2 decades.

As part of the stimulation program, mothers and toddlers received weekly visits from a woman who taught mothers how to play with their children and engage them in stimulating activities. The program also provided books and toys to the families each week. The nutrition supplementation consisted of approximately 2 gallons of milk-based formula.

The latest results of these interventions, published by the journal Pediatrics, reports that children who received intellectual stimulation and had a playful, interactive relationship with their mothers had higher IQs as adults, higher educational attainment, better general knowledge, and fewer symptoms of depression or social inhibition than children who did not receive such stimulation. The same children also were significantly less likely to be involved in fights and violent behavior as adults. The children who received nutritional supplementation showed no improvement among these measurements.

The Jamaican study was small, and only included children already experiencing stunted growth due to poor nutrition. But, it leaves no doubt that the relationship between a mother and a child is significant, and the ability to intellectually stimulate and challenge children is essential to raising healthy, well-adjusted adults.