The Mad Hatter of nations - Paula Manoli-Gray

We are notorious for being an island with its own sense of time, and there is a long-standing joke about GMT - 'Greek Maybe Time' - thanks to people's uncanny knack for turning up horrendously late. But despite common perception that it is just a characteristic of the laid-back, hot and lazy conditions of the island, it is actually a very selective habit, which makes it all the worse.

Let me elaborate. People on the island have to go to work at certain times. They have to take their children to school and pick them up. They have to open and close shops and the like. These are everyday practises where you simply cannot be lax and late (persistently). So we can surmise that people on the island are in fact very capable of arriving on time when they have to. There are some exceptions to this – such as waiting for a courier, internet provider or handyman to turn up – but this happens the world over, so we can discount these professions for the sake of today's argument!

The issue of lateness happens mostly for social functions, and this is where I personally feel that the term 'late' sometimes goes hand-in-hand with 'disrespect'. When it comes to being invited somewhere or attending something outside of the normal work/school routine, it is like there is an unwritten law that you need to add one or more hours to the time given for said event/social function. So it goes like this: if you have been invited to someone's house for lunch at 12pm, you must not turn up until at least 1.30pm.

If you have ever been on the receiving end of this, you will be aware of the frustration, anger and pain of having your lovingly prepared meal go cold and soggy. When we first moved to Cyprus, my poor mother would almost be in tears at the sight of her banquets sitting there whilst we waited for relatives to decide to turn up. She has adapted now and usually tells visitors to arrive half an hour before she actually wants them to, but it is still soul crushing to see all your hard efforts go seemingly unappreciated.

Before I truly wizened up to getting myself to functions on time alone (instead of arranging to car share with late friends), I missed many a christening or wedding church service. My friend at the time would always want to pick me up half an hour after the event had started, whilst I argued that there was no point in turning up late when the whole point was to witness the ceremony. Despite her promises to turn up on time, she always managed to end up even later than her initial suggested time, and the two of us would enter the church as the wedding or baptism service would be ending. I found it extremely disrespectful and have never, ever been late since.

Now a parent, I have found that one of the worse cases of liberal time keeping is children's birthday parties. Only last week we were invited to a play-place party at 11am. We were the first there and as if by magic, the minute the clock struck 12pm, the majority of the guests arrived!

So why do people feel the need to disregard time? It can't be to make an entrance, as you would have to be the only one arriving late to have an impact when you walk into the room! I am afraid I have absolutely no answer regarding this practise, but if you do get a dinner invite from me, please turn up on time or you might end up wearing your (cold and soggy) meal… 

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 27/03/15

The disadvantages of the technologically advantaged youth - Paula Manoli-Gray

I recently worked as a cover teacher at an English school in Larnaca and the experience – although only for two weeks – was certainly an eye-opener.

Firstly, I was very surprised at how reasonable morning traffic is in our town! I am used to doing a school run from Vergina to the New Salamina area then to Drosia to drop my own two off, and have never encountered bad traffic for that particular route, but I was terrified that getting to the school's more central location would mean gridlock. Despite starting lessons at various times – ranging from 7.30am to 12.50pm – I did not experience any major traffic. I am sure that there are areas that are prone to heavier traffic, but in general, Larnaca is a good town to drive in, so, spare a thought for your Nicosia and Limassol cousins who face daily jams en-route to work and back, and count your blessings!

But I digress… the eye-opener was an insight to the teenagers of today, and how they differ to the teenagers of my generation. There is a general issue with boundaries regarding authority and an absence of respect for elders in the new generation. This is a declining standard; my generation had far more respect than today's, but less than my parent's 'be-seen-but-not-heard' generation. I dread to think what my children's generation will be like… There are a variety of factors that play a role in this, from children being raised outside of the family due to both parents having to work, to the power of technology they have at their fingertips at too early an age.

If you have children of your own, or know people with children, no doubt a large proportion of them will have a tablet, or access to one from a tender age. We have so far not succumbed in our household, but the fight is getting harder and harder as they see their friends with them or hear about the different games they could be playing. And mine are only still six and four! The issue of mobile phones is thankfully further away, but I know it is only a matter of time, and every student that I taught these past two weeks not only had a mobile, they had an all-singing-all-dancing one!

Despite the technological advances teenagers have at their disposal, I do pity them for it. Yes, life as a student is now easier when you can use Google instead of an encyclopaedia, and can print off materials, but this is a poor trade-off for living your life in full digital view.

With almost every teenager having their own social media pages, they are unwittingly committing their every teenage mistake, angst and relationship to Cyberspace for all time. Young, naive human beings striking duck-face poses, writing their every little thought as a status update, and using their social profiles with such abandon will surely find that as adults they are filled with regret for what they put out there.

Teenage years are a time when you do make your mistakes, learn hard lessons, discover who you are and what you want to be (or at least you think you do!), and these are very private and personal rites of passage that at some point in your adulthood you want to forget or leave behind. This generation will never be able to escape the experience, and some will certainly be tarnished by it.

I am sure glad that I didn't live my teenage years out so publically, and I will fight tooth and nail to ensure my children don't either when the time comes.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 20/03/15

Buying local… if I can find it! - Paula Manoli-Gray

It was my son's birthday last week, and he wanted a desk from his nouna. A simple enough request, but as always, I found that when I have something specific in mind, I can never find it in Cyprus!

Of course, there are many shops that sell children's desks, but sadly, the nice ones are all designer and overinflated in price. Then you have the other end of the scale – cheap MDF - which is again sold out here for far more than it is worth. Eventually, a plea on Facebook was responded to by a nice lady who lives 10 minutes away from me, and was selling her children's old desk. It fit the bill, and the task was completed!

But this is something that frustrates me no-end about living in Cyprus. I can never find what I want, so I most often end up buying it online. This upsets me to some degree as I do really, really want to support local businesses, but when a) you cannot find the item, or b) it is double or triple the price you can get it for online, then supporting my town goes out of the window in favour of getting what I want at a reasonable price – and I feel bad about that. But my pocket is not unlimited and even if it were, why should I pay more just because we have an issue of chronic overcharging out here? I always tell people 'vote with your feet', and that is what I do; I give my custom to those who provide goods or services to a good standard and at a reasonable price, which is why you do not see me sitting at trendy cafes drinking beverages that cost more than they do in London!

Granted, it is so much better than it used to be… I remember the days when a trip to Nicosia was the only way to get most things as Larnaca was lagging so far behind – especially in franchises. At that time, there was little choice even in the capital, so it was either the limited number of things at overinflated prices, or not at all! And those who have lived here a long time can surely relate to the era where anything that came from Greece or Italy – however cheap in its respective country – would be marked up ten-fold and lapped up by consumers just because it was 'made in Greece' (or Italy!). Those were the days when consumers too shared the blame as there was an air of snobbery and a desire to pay more to be able to boast that what you had was expensive or designer, and businesses were happy to oblige. Oh how the mighty have fallen since then.

Thankfully, things have changed. Larnaca has caught up and - with the exception of a handful of franchises and restaurants - we have just as much as Nicosia and Limassol have, even if we do not have a mall. And variety has also entered our market; variety in goods and the welcome addition of variety in prices. There are reasonable shops, there are budget stores and cut-price outlets, and there are much better sales than there previously were. Add to this the big surge in second-hand goods being sold in bricks-and-mortar shops and on Facebook groups for both Larnaca and the island as a whole, and theoretically, you should be able to pretty much find everything. But still, I struggle to find 'the right thing' a lot of the time. I don't know if it is just me and I have very specific/fussy tastes, or if we tend to have a lot of variety and an over-saturated market for some things and a lack of certain others.

But there are still businesses – who despite the crisis and a drop in customers – that will not get off their high (pricing) horse. And this is one of the reasons that I think I will probably be buying online for a while yet.

First appeared in 'The Cyprus Weekly', 13/03/15

No need to call back - Paula Manoli-Gray

We seem to be living in a paradoxical time when it comes to communication – or at least it feels that way on the island.

Whilst most people have the latest smart phone, tablet or computer and spend more time with their heads down trying to impress faux friends on social media than talking to their real ones, they seem totally incapable of answering business emails or returning calls.

Not having lived in the UK for many years, I do not know if this is a global phenomenon or one of our 'quaint' Cyprus-isms, but it is certainly wide-spread here and extremely frustrating.

I have personally found that even some of the most 'professional' or esteemed business people – and/or their assistants – can be totally incapable of sending off a polite reply to at least acknowledge an email. And this also extends to civil servants and public services where there should – at the very least – be an automatic reply to say that your email has been received.

And when it comes to returning calls, forget it. I know of a friend who had an appointment with a respected specialist doctor in Limassol but had to cancel and has now spent the last two months trying to reschedule another, only to be told (literally) several times a day that 'someone will call her back'. No one ever does – and they know that it is in regards to a fairly urgent medical issue.

But this lack of communication also occurs when you are trying to give something or help someone and there is no actual benefit to you for getting in touch, so it is not a one-way street of being ignored only when you require assistance or information - it is just a system of being ignored all the time!

As a journalist, I am always left baffled as to why my emails and phone calls go unanswered when it comes to my approaching someone to write an article on them – a positive thing and a source of free publicity. You would be amazed how many people completely ignore me, or tell me they will be back in touch with some information and are never heard from again. It costs very little time, effort and financial outlay to fire off a reply to someone or return that call in the name of manners and professionalism, and I have to admit, I often judge someone on the basis of how efficient and considerate they are in answering their communications.

So, why does this occur so much in Cyprus? Is it because people are so busy and overstretched, or because they believe that their time or lives are more important than the rest of the island's? Or is it one of those laid-back attitudes that we have (and that was the polite way of saying it)? Whatever the reason, it creates a culture of frustration and distrust in people, services and businesses. We stop asking questions, we stop complaining, we stop getting involved, we stop offering our time or assistance… simply because 'no one will respond to us anyway'.

And the saddest indictment of our times? That you are far more likely to get a response from someone if you go via their social media account than any other form of communication, along with the pleasure of seeing photos of them partying, cuddling their cat, or showing off the remnants of their dinner!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 06/03/15

Piggy in the middle - Paula Manoli-Gray

The recent news that a number of wealthy individuals and businesses on the island collectively owe over €163 million in taxes to the state cannot have come as a surprise to anyone. There is a commonly held belief amongst the 'not-rich' that those who amass that kind of wealth do so precisely because they do not pay their dues.

In previous years you couldn't have dreamed of seeing a 'name-em-shame-em' list as these issues were hushed up, and no one would dare to humiliate those in the Big Boy's Club. But, what with The Crisis blah-de-blah, things have changed, so now we know exactly how and why the big bank balances are as high as they are – and shame on them.

Then you have those at the very bottom of the social class structure who have nothing. These people are (rightly) helped out by the state, charities and kind individuals through food packages, subsidised bills, clothing and household donations, state benefits and the like. But, for some people in this bracket, things are actually better than they ever have been, and some are much better off due to the increase in the different avenues and benefactors that they receive from.

So, what we have is the rich-set not paying their taxes and enjoying a life of riley, and those on the very bottom being fed, clothed and generally looked after. But what about the 'forgotten middle class'?

The forgotten middle class typically looks like this: married couple, both in employment with 2.5 kids. On paper they seem to be financially okay and can buy food, just about pay their bills and are likely to own their home. As such, they would not qualify for help and would be considered to be fine. But the reality is, the forgotten middle class is almost worse off than the lower class in these current times. They might be able to pay – or just about pay – their mortgage, but they certainly don't have the funds to maintain their home and will go white at the thought that there might be an emergency plumbing situation that would require fixing, because they just couldn't afford it. They might be able to feed their family, and even enjoy the occasional coffee or takeaway on the weekend, but they won't be going on a holiday any time soon. They might have a car, but whereas before they would have been happy to take a trip into Nicosia for a day out, they now have to think twice about their petrol consumption.

This class is the most stung, most targeted and most overlooked class, who, despite the previous definition of what being middle class was, are now just about scraping through, and are most likely living hand-to-mouth. But they simply do not qualify for assistance and they certainly won't be getting anyone's sympathy or charity. They are taxed to the death, they are worked to the bone and they are surviving rather than living. For the first time, this class is worse off than their parents, and in many cases, has to rely on their parents' help to buy the kids their new school uniform or pay for them to go on a school trip. Quite simply, this class is drowning without a life-raft in sight.

I am not trying to imply that all those who are classed as 'needy' are being adequately fed and clothed or enjoying it, and for a great many, these times are hell as one or both partners are out of work and they literally have nothing. But I do think it's time that the ones in the middle were acknowledged too, because they are the ones struggling to pay the taxes that the super rich refuse to, and the needy simply cannot.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 27/02/15

The perfect Larnaca period - Paula Manoli-Gray

After the horrid cold weather and the sickly season, we are now coming into my absolute favourite time of year in Cyprus and I am about to get all hippy-dippy over it!

I adore the combination of spring weather, landscapes in bloom, being able to walk around comfortably, carnival period, Green Monday and Easter. And there is honestly nowhere else I would want to be - Larnaca during this season just seems so happy, vibrant and positive.

No matter what is happening, Cypriots relish carnival period and really throw themselves into the festivities. Suddenly, people who are normally serious, reserved or miserable are dancing around in silly wigs and letting loose and I love to see it!

And of course, this is the perfect time to walk the salt lake – Larnaca's best beauty spot as far as I am concerned. I wish every resident of the region would walk its path during this time of year because it really is something; firstly the very fact that we have it and it is well-protected is a miracle in itself, but it is also very 'un-Cyprus'. Whenever I take a walk there I feel like I am completely transported from the rubbish going on outside its perimeter, and as we are not an island where walking is easy to do (due to the heat and bad pavements), it feels like a real treat to walk safely, comfortably and with the added bonus of picturesque views and majestic flamingos.

Then there is Green Monday and Easter. I like Christmas because I have young children, but the lead-up to Easter and Orthodox Easter itself feel far more authentic and grounded. It's not about presents and tack, but more about humanity. Granted, Easter has its fair share of potentially diet-sabotaging treats such as the amazing sweet bread 'tsoureki' and the adopted Western tradition of Easter eggs, but there isn't that horrible air of gluttony. And the smells… Cyprus just smells of souvla during this period, and it's a great smell (unless you are vegetarian!). I won't spoil my gushing by mentioning the pipe bombs - that is for another day…

One of the nicest things about this time of year is being able to enjoy McKenzie! I do not set foot anywhere near the coastal strip during the summer months – my days of dancing to the cacophony of multiple venues' music in a bikini are long gone – but at the moment, it is bliss. Sitting and enjoying a drink overlooking the sea whilst the kids run around in the perfect amount of sunshine is magical, especially when the views are not interrupted by a road in the middle ala Phinikoudes.

This is also the time of year that Larnaca looks its best. Living here we are used to seeing dry, brittle landscapes during the long summer, but sometimes when I stop to really take a look at them through the eyes of a visitor, I can see that the dull palette of scorched browns is really quite ugly. In comparison, the late winter and spring months are glorious; green peppered with bright blooms, and I don't care if half the green is overgrown weeds hiding a mountain of dog poo – it's colourful!

So enjoy this season with a spring in your step and colour in your heart. Gushing over now! 

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 13/02/15

An oath to heal the conveniently sick - Paula Manoli-Gray

The Hippocratic Oath is 'one of the oldest binding documents in history', and one on which new doctors swear upon that they will heal the sick to the best of their ability. But it seems like is has been 'mislaid' in Larnaca and replaced with an oath to help the sick as long as it is not too inconvenient.

I am usually full of praise for our medical services, and have always found them - and the staff who carry them out - to have been thorough and efficient. Personally, I have (thankfully) not experienced bad medical service myself, but my faith in Larnaca doctors has been shaken to the core recently as a result of their treatment of a male relative of mine.

Said relative is in his twenties and was in a car accident last year whereby a courier van barged straight into a roundabout in Nicosia without looking and ploughed into the passenger side of his car. Had there been a passenger, there is a very good chance that there wouldn't be a passenger here today as the car was a write-off. My relative suffered whiplash.

Despite it being a clear case of the courier being at fault, the family have been struggling to take the case to court, and as this process has dragged on, my relative has been progressively getting worse. What started out as a little pain in his fingers and neck has spread from the fingers of each hand all the way up to both arms, across the shoulders and down the back. He is in constant pain, has trouble carrying out his desk job and can barely lift one of the arms up. It is apparent that he has some kind of nerve damage and will have to endure pain and treatments for some time, all because some irresponsible driver didn't look when driving, and now his equally irresponsible employer is simply not interested in what happened. It is no way for a young man in his prime to live.

But the problem with the Larnaca doctors is that although a young man is in debilitating pain and in need of treatment, he has actually been turned away by several doctors - both state and private. As soon as the doctors hear the words 'car crash' and 'court case' they drop him like a hot potato because they point blank 'do not want to get involved'. The thought of having to testify is just too inconvenient for them. One doctor actually put down his pen and paper and asked him to get out. The result is a delay in getting him properly diagnosed and started with treatment, which in turn has caused his condition to worsen. And because he cannot get a doctor's report to file with the court case, that is delayed too. The doctors' lack of ethics and desire to help is a brazen insult to the Hippocratic Oath.

Apparently, this is common knowledge. A lawyer relative told him that he would struggle to get a doctor to write a report, and others in similar situations have said that it was easier in the end to just give up on a court case and get treated. But with the loss of quality of life, the fees he has incurred trying out different medical solutions (including physiotherapy sessions), and the burden and strain this has placed on his life, why the heck should he not take the courier company to court?

At the time of writing, he has found a glimmer of hope at the town's only private hospital, where a doctor has been most accommodating. But why on earth should it have to take a year and a multitude of slamming doors to finally find one that is open? Hippocrates would turn in his grave.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 06/02/15

A sick old man named ‘January’ - Paula Manoli-Gray

I am so glad to see the back of Mr January. It has been a horrible month of constant bugs and viruses for both my young children and I. And I know it has been the same for many families.

This time of year is just rife with nasties doing the rounds, from common colds and flu to stomach bugs and fevers, and if you have children then there is very little chance you will dodge the unwanted visitors.

Of course, none of the seasonal ailments are serious or life threatening (except in some rare cases). And yet, whilst we know that they are nothing in the greater scheme of things, they have the ability to completely and utterly disrupt our daily life to ridiculous proportions. The way these simple bugs can wreak so much havoc is terrifying, and it always makes me feel so fallible.

It seems that no matter how much I try to defend my family's health and immune system, we still manage to contract something. Apparently, even healthy people should have one or two colds a year and that is perfectly normal, but when you are dealing with sick children is it an absolute nightmare. And as tempting as it is to lock your kids up so that they do not come into contact with anyone else's germs, you just can't do it. And so you spend the winter spraying noses, rubbing eucalyptus on chests, dishing out elderberry extract and hoping and praying you don't get more than one round of a vomit and diarrhoea bug – the washing machine simply cannot handle it!

But for me, that is preferable to a superficial quick-fix of medicating for seasonal illness. The amount of medications that some people shovel down their throats – and those of their children – without a second thought is also terrifying. As inconvenient as it is for your child to have a fever or a cough, it is their body's way of fighting an invader, and when you take away their right to fight it, then you ultimately weaken their ability to do so. And whilst no one can afford to be ill, it is also a well-known fact that there is no cure for these seasonal ailments – all any medication will do is ease the symptoms. There are certain friends and family who think I am a stubborn hippy to have this attitude, but I was vindicated this week…

…I have personally been ill since the beginning of January and have been trying to let it work its course. Towards the end of the month, I had to admit defeat; whatever I have was just not shifting and it was making me miserable, weak, tired and unsociable. So I relented and went to the chemist and purchased a pack of brand name, over-the-counter sinus and cold tablets and a rather ominous cough syrup, which is so strong you only need to take it once every 12 hours.

I took the tablets for just one day before consulting the chemist about whether the heart palpitations, insomnia and loss of appetite were okay as side affects. Turns out I have a reaction to pseudoephedrine. The syrup gave me gastro irritation. As far as I am concerned, the potential side affects of standard cough, cold and flu remedies are simply not worth it, I would rather be ill for two months and heal naturally than flood my body with chemicals that are actually doing me more harm than good.

So, good riddance to Mr January and fingers crossed that Mr February is not as sickly, although on the plus side, Mr January is very good at helping us undergo a forced detox after the excesses of Christmas!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 30/01/15

The unexpectedly tolerant island - Paula Manoli-Gray

I am not one to engage in discussion about politics or religion; I think some subjects are best avoided and I also do not feel educated enough on either matter to be able to debate them intelligently. But as much as I would like to keep out of what is going on around the world – out of a need to not go insane, rather than a desire for the bliss of ignorance – every now and then an event forces the issues to my attention. One such event was the Paris atrocities, and it is incredibly sad what some people will do in the name of religion and/or politics.

Every time I hear these horror stories of pain inflicted in the name of God or geographical 'birthrights', it makes me appreciate our island for its tolerance. And upon hearing me use the word 'tolerance' in relation to Cyprus, no doubt many will baulk, but allow me to explain!

As an island, we have really drawn the short straw when it comes to how our political history has shaped us. We live the reality every day through the ongoing division, the unanswered questions on the fate of fathers and sons, and the theft of rightful property. And naturally, being that Greek Cypriots are Christian and Turkish Cypriots are Muslims, the element of religion is also intertwined in this fate. When it comes to religion, we have also seen an incredible change to our demographic from an Orthodox island with a minority of Muslims and Armenians to welcoming almost any religion imaginable. Aside from churches of all Christian denominations, we have synagogues, temples and mosques. So yes, generally, it is fair to say that we show tolerance.

Of course there is racism. What country in the world doesn't have its share of narrow-minded, ignorant bigots? And there is a disgusting attitude towards hired help from certain parts of the world, as though they were born to serve us - and this is not limited to Cypriots. But, and this is a big but, that is where it ends. We do not have organised terrorist groups targeting those who do not follow their ideologies and terrorising us. We do not have bombings and attacks and we do not have riots and picketing against any social or religious group.

Why is this such a big deal? After all, many democratic countries do not stoop to these levels. But it is indeed a big deal and the reason is twofold. Firstly, the Orthodox church is a major player and influencer on the island, yet it accepts and tolerates other religions – and 'mixed' marriages. Secondly, with such a deep division and all the ingrained hatred it brings on both sides – even to the point that it is 'taught' in schools - you would not be surprised to see fanatical groups from both sides perpetrating crimes against the other. And yet you do not. Cyprus could easily be another Israeli/Palestinian conflict. And yet – thankfully – it is not.

One of the first questions people ask when booking a holiday to Cyprus is whether the island is safe or if they will find conflict. It is understandable for those who are not familiar with Cyprus to assume that with constant peace talks and an ongoing division, the island is dangerous, and that with a powerful and strict church, that it is inflexible.

But it is neither; people just get on with their lives and for the most part, let others do the same. And that is why I am grateful for the tolerance the people of my island (generally!) show.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly 23/01/15

Come back summer, all is forgiven! - Paula Manoli-Gray

I don't know if the weather is getting colder or I am just getting older and less able to cope with it, but whatever the case, I just want to curl up and hibernate right now!

Cold in Cyprus is a horrible, horrible experience. We are so utterly unequipped for it in every way that we feel it far more than those in colder countries do. Personally I have been unable to function, have no desire to go anywhere and am eating more. In short I feel chilled to the bone and miserable!

The difficulty in adequately heating our homes is a real issue. Whilst I do have central heating, I still cannot get my home to feel properly warm due to two reasons. Firstly, the crisis has forced us to be more careful with our bills so it is out of the question to leave the heating on all day and night, and secondly - as is the case with many homes here - the windows have been so shoddily installed that our 'double glazing' lets the wind whistle through. And of course, being a generally hot country, our houses are not built for the cold, magnified by an absence of wall-to-wall carpeting in most homes. Half the time it is considerably warmer outside than it is inside my house.

One of the reasons I left the UK was the weather; I don't do well in the cold and wet, but I cannot remember ever feeling this uncomfortably cold in England. I dread going to the toilet or having a shower because sitting on a cold toilet seat or washing my hands in cold water is so unbearable. Brushing my teeth is the worse as I have sensitive teeth, so mouth-rinsing with freezing water is agony, but I am not prepared to waste water by letting the tap run until it is warm. I know it makes me sound like I live in a third world country or the dark ages but that is truly the reality of recent winters in Cyprus!

Unlike other European countries where cold is just a fact of life, we tend to come to a standstill as a society – I haven't taken my kids out properly in weeks and the postman comes even less frequently than usual! But whilst my reaction to the cold is one of complete shutdown, there are some expats who take it in a different way… they seem genuinely outraged and angry that the hot island lifestyle they signed up for has betrayed them!

Family and friends in the UK think we are exaggerating about the cold, as they have only generally experienced summer holidays in Cyprus and are used to well-heated homes in the UK. But the few that have visited during the winter months have been shocked to find that they are actually, truly freezing! And yes, they have commented that they have never felt this cold in England! 

I keep reminding myself in these chilly times that come the summer we will all be complaining that we cannot hack the heat. If I hear anyone moan that it is too hot this year, I shall scream. As far as I am concerned, walking around as a sweaty, shiny mass is far more preferable to struggling to type because my fingers have turned into icicles.

Unfortunately, human hibernation is not a real or feasible thing, so please come back unbearable and stifling heat of summer… all is forgiven!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 16/01/15

The slowest of snail mails - Paula Manoli-Gray

So, has all your Christmas post arrived yet? Have you received all your online orders made in November? We might be in the third week of January, but it is not a daft question when you live in Cyprus.

I always tell friends and relatives in the UK to send birthday cards and gifts for the kids three weeks in advance, and by the same token, I ensure that I make online orders a month in advance for birthdays and events. Sometimes they get here within a month, sometimes they don't.

Am I happy about the situation? No, of course not, but to be honest, it has just become a way of life for me, just as I know without certainty that the postmen will never, ever deliver post to me two days in a row. On average, my postman comes to us a maximum of twice a week. I know that he saves my delivery slips and delivers them in bulk, because some of them have the date of the day he delivers them, whilst others are dated from the previous days. He also never comes out in inclement weather, although I suspect that might be a perk of the job and one of the official policies, otherwise Cypriot postmen would be given an alternative mode of transport to their little moped… wouldn't they?

I am not sure if delivering mail on a not-daily basis is an official thing due to cutbacks, or if it is just my particular postman who has taken it upon himself to cut his working hours down. But whatever the reason, it means a lot of disappointment for us come birthdays and Christmas when everything is so late. Receiving cards a week or two after December 25 or a birthday is a real anti-climax, and I bet there are many readers who have desperately waited on a passport or other important document or item whose timely arrival was crucial, but which never made it. For crying out loud, they give the postal service Christmas Eve off and do not make the slightest effort to hire additional staff or the busiest period of the year, so what hope is there for the rest of the time?

I tend to order a lot of items online (things that I cannot really find out here or that are too expensive to buy locally), so I need to be on good terms with my post office to ensure that I do get them more often that not. I have to say that the lady behind the counter is helpful, polite and efficient. We are even on first name terms after all these years and she will always look to see if I have something, even if a slip has not been issued yet, so I have no complaints about her, but the situation with my postman is ridiculous. When I casually asked her why the postman only comes once or twice a week, she seemed surprised and told me that was not the case, so I didn't push the issue further, out of fear that if I rocked the boat, my once or twice a week deliveries would suddenly dry up completely. She seemed unaware that my postie has been designing his own hours, but he doesn't seem to be the only one…

…Apparently, we have it quite good in our area. I have friends who live in (big) villages who have to go down to the local post office (run by the local greengrocer) and ask if any post has arrived for them, otherwise they will never receive it as it is seldom delivered. I also have a friend who lives in a mountainous village of Limassol for whom post is non-existent because no one will go up the hills to take it to her!

We may be moving forward in some ways, but when it comes to the postman, unlike the famous movie title from 1946, ours never rings twice.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 09/01/15

            

Being kinder to ourselves - Paula Manoli-Gray

Happy 2015! Who doesn't love the opportunity/excuse to erase the slate and start afresh? The start of a new year – full of shiny promises – provides the perfect push for this, whether it is a career change, a health and fitness overhaul, fulfilling a dream, working on relationships, or simply pledging to become a better version of yourself.

And that is where we trip ourselves up; we expect to suddenly be able to work miracles with our lives, and ourselves, after we have not managed to achieve our objectives in all our years to date.

I like to think I am a generally positive person, and I believe that a positive attitude and being proactive will get you further, but it has to also have a good measure of realism included in it. Real, ordinary lives with jobs and families do not allow the luxury of unlimited time and resources to go out and work flat out on just chasing your dreams, and yet, we are constantly told that if we would only work harder on our goals, they would be ours for certain.

All my life I wanted to be a famous singer – to secure a record deal and be performing on stage. I did everything in my power to obtain this from writing letters to record companies when I was just six years old, to writing my own songs, working as a student to raise the money to record them, and sending them out constantly. As you have gathered, I am not a famous recording artist, and it is not for a lack of trying, an absence of positive thinking, or not enough self-belief. It is just the way it is.

So when I read books, articles or Facebook posts telling me that if I haven't achieved my dreams it is because I haven't visualised hard enough; haven't put enough positive energy into the universe, or have not sent my goals the right amount of good thoughts etc, it actually makes me a little cross. I know that my failure to get to where I want to be is not because I am a bad person, going wrong somewhere, but there are many far more impressionable and sensitive folk who do actually believe their failures are their own fault. Are we to then surmise that the parent who cannot feed their children, or has been out of work for a year is in this position because of their lack of positivity? And that if only they really, really wanted it, they could totally change their life around, just by wishing it so? Positive thinking is great stuff, but the religion of it and its zealots can be dangerous stuff.

There is also this belief that if you haven't achieved the biggest, most grand of things, then you are failing and your life is worthless. The big successes have shifted to being on reality TV for five minutes for being an attention-seeking, freak, and breaking a world record for having the longest tongue, rather than the things that actually keep the world together. Ordinary people who quietly contribute to society through a job that benefits people remain unsung heroes; parents working hard to raise the next generation don't even make the short-list of what constitutes a success. And as for being kind and generous, this is sneered upon in the money-hungry times we live in. 

If you make only one resolution to yourself this year, please pledge to be kinder to yourself and recognise the smaller things you have achieved. And whilst it is always good to constantly and quietly work at being the best version of yourself… you CAN do it at your own pace, and without the need for fireworks, or earth shifting changes.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 01/01/14

Big night, big pressure! - Paula Manoli-Gray

So, who will be going out on New Year's Eve to celebrate? Not me! It hasn't been me for nearly six years, which by some strange coincidence, coincides with when we first became parents…

Although I can't really go out and ring in 2015 with abandonment, I am not sure I would, even if I could. NYE is possibly one of the most pressure-laden nights out ever invented. First there is the decision of where and how to spend it out of all the many venues promising 'the best night of the year'. Then there is the inflated cost of it all; even if you are going to the same venue you have frequented every weekend for the whole of the year, you are suddenly paying through the nose for your usual bar stool. And finally, there is the work-up of how it is going to be 'mega, epic, legendary, amazing' etc, only to find that nine times out of ten, it is actually just the same as every other night out you have enjoyed – or endured – throughout the course of the year.

NYE is also the universal cut-off for seasonal gluttony! Everyone goes a little crazy with the calories, not worrying too much, as from January first, it will all end and good habits will be reinstated – or started. As such, December 31 is your one last, final, never-to-be-had-again chance to really push the calorie counter over the red before the 'fresh start'. In reality, you will probably consume too many calories again by the first weekend of January, thus making NYE's gluttony nothing but a con that you fall for every year.

When I was a teenager/young adult, I did have some memorable NYE nights out in Cyprus and London, and did indeed pay (gladly) through the nose for the pleasure of them, although all nights out were good back then, so it was probably just more expensive, rather than actually being better. Nonetheless, the memories are happily stored in my photo albums, but when I look at that young me, I wish I could jump into the photos and tell her to stop partying and start stocking up on some sleep, and warn her that motherhood would ensure that she could never stay up past 9pm again, let alone watch the sun rise.

Actually, it would be a lie to say that every NYE since becoming a parent have meant an early night from exhaustion and sleeping through the midnight clock chimes…  some of them I have been awake for… either sat at the cot side of a screaming baby that will not go to sleep, or driving one around to get them to sleep. A couple of years back, as the fireworks could be heard in the distance with the faint sound of music and laughter, hubby and I were dealing with one or both of our non-sleepers when our bleary eyes met across the room. It was a tragic and poetic moment worthy of an 'Eastenders' episode ending drumbeat. For those who are not familiar with the English television series, it is full of miserable people leading depressing and overly-dramatic lives, with each episode ending at a particularly revealing or tragic part, signalled by a single drum, beating out the start of the theme tune.

If you are going out, I hope you have a wonderful time, and I will do what I do every January first; live vicariously through all the photographs of other people's nights out that are plastered all over the social media networks. So, have a good one for me. Cheers!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly 25/12/14

When it rains it pours - Paula Manoli-Gray

So, how did everyone enjoy our new car marina last weekend? And by 'car marina', I mean the floods that turned our cars into boats?

Joking aside, last weekend's flooding was horrendous – worse for some than others, depending on what area you live in.

Personally, I was parked in a side street of the Saint Lazarus area and watched in horror from the venue window as the water levels rose to cover half the height of the car. In the evening when I left, I managed to wade knee-deep to the car, squeeze into the driver's seat from the less-flooded passenger side, only to find myself sat in a puddle! The car had flooded inside. Okay, not the most tragic thing that could happen in a flood when you look at what people in other parts of the world suffer, but for a little Larnaca gal, it was traumatic enough, and I spent the evening with my feet in a bowl of warm water and a hot water bottle feeling rather sorry for myself!

But as it turns out, our car got off lightly! From all over the town, we heard and saw horror stories of houses flooded, shop stock destroyed, cars completely submerged or swimming in 'lakes', electricity outages, and residents who could not get to their homes as their roads had been cordoned off by police – accompanied by a soundtrack of wailing emergency vehicles. And although it was not on a par with the devastating floods that other countries have experienced, it was a very tiny but scary glimpse into what those battling catastrophic floods contend with, and not one I would like to experience again.

It goes without saying that we cannot control weather conditions, hence why there is always a 'force majeure' / 'act of God' clause in insurance policies, and it is not the fault of our powers-that-be that it rains. Last weekend was a particularly severe case of flooding – of the worse we have had – so it would not be fair to come down too hard on those who govern us. But, the truth is, it doesn't take much rain for Larnaca to flood, and so therefore I believe it is their fault that they cannot provide their citizens with decent roads that can cope with rain.

Am I being ignorant on this matter to believe that there are methods to prevent flooding and that they should be implemented, or is it far more complicated than that? Maybe there is a valid reason for why we continue to have to put up with this very dangerous occurrence, almost every time it rains? Thankfully, last weekend's floods were damaging enough to have an impact, and on Monday a meeting was held with the mayor, emergency services, civil engineers and others on putting together a contingency plan so we do not end up in the same situation, as well as the setting up of a helpline and practical and financial assistance to those worse hit. For the time being, I will allow my faith to be restored, but how much faith I do have in their words is debatable.

On the plus side, the dams had a good injection of water, the flamingos at the salt lake are very happy, my rather neglected trees have finally had a really good, long drink, and the wash that the car was desperately in need of has been nicely taken care of, although I didn't really plan on giving it a hosing on the inside too!

First appeared in They Cyprus Weekly, 19/12/14

Ignorance is bliss? - Paula Manoli-Gray

"…and it's Christmas…" Oh I how I hate hearing that phrase in connection with something bad that has happened!

You hear it a lot during the festive season. If someone loses their job, it is made all the worse 'because it is Christmas'. If someone is ill or has a bereavement, it is all the more painful 'because if it Christmas'. If there is war, a large-scale accident, a catastrophic natural disaster, all of these become even more unbearable just 'because it is Christmas'.

I understand that Christmas brings out the good in some people; hatchets are buried, families are reunited and everyone wants world peace – so there is a feeling that this time of year shouldn't bring anything negative – but bad things are bad things, and their timing does not lessen or worsen them.

Which leads on to the debate of whether we should be trying to filter out the negative news that dominates our media, or if we should make a conscious effort to keep up-to-date with the horrors of the world.

This is something that troubles me greatly, and I am not sure which side of the coin to fall on. On the one hand, I don't want to be ignorant to what is going on, as closing it out could be perceived as not caring, or being inwards. I don't want to feel – or seem to others – as though I am only concerned about my little world and that if I am alright and not affected by the suffering of others, then that is okay. Also, by ignoring some injustices, we allow them to continue, and I certainly do not want to contribute to that…

…But on the other hand, I cannot save the world just by knowing all of its flaws, and if I keep allowing myself to feel the pain of the universe, then I will go insane – I am an emotional wreck as it is! As a parent especially, I cannot cope with knowing of the heinous crimes committed against children, or acknowledging the reality that not all children are healthy or safe. It is too unbearable. But that doesn't mean I am not sensitive to the plight of others, it just means that sometimes I want to pretend that we are not freefalling into a bottomless pit of evil and self-destruction. So, is ignorance bliss or is it the easier and lazier option?

As for Christmas, if it brings out the best in people and it makes everyone stand united, then I am all for it, but I wish with all my heart that people felt like this all year round. We save our goodwill for once a year, just like we buy those shiny tins of Christmas confectionary once a year. We suddenly open our eyes and see that there are homeless people; that there are abused people; that there are old people left to rot, all alone; that there are animals mistreated; that there are parts of the world where clean water is not available and food is scarce; that humans are trafficked; that war doesn't just affect those who are fighting it; that we are far more fragile than we can possibly imagine - or have time to realise - as we go about our daily life, stressing over the insignificant.

And yet, I am still undecided about whether I should make the time and effort to know about all of the world's injustices, or if I should concentrate more on ensuring that the people I know and love don't ever have to experience them for themselves. Where do you stand?