How to be a less stressed parent

1. Find a pediatrician you like

 In many ways, your pediatrician is like a partner. In fact, some women say that during the first couple of years, they talked to their pediatrician more than their husbands! Choose a pediatrician who offers practical advice and knows how to listen. Remember, there are no dumb questions when it’s about your child.

2. Incorporate time-saving products and services into your daily routine

Without a doubt, parenting is one of the richest and most satisfying roles we play. It is also filled with repetitive, routine tasks that can zap our best energy. There has been an explosion of modern conveniences designed to save you time and sanity.

For example, tear-free shampoos can help avoid bath-time battles; home-cooked meal delivery services ensure a nutritious dinner on the table. 

3. Plan ahead for tomorrow

To make your morning less hectic, spend a few minutes at night making tomorrow’s bottles and cups, picking out clothes, packing an “on the go” bag, etc. Make a to-do list so you don’t forget important errands. If your children are in pre school or older, let them participate in this routine. In the course of managing your time well, you are teaching them valuable skills. 

4. Establish a predictable night-time routine and create comforting rituals

Reading, singing or a warm bath at the same time each night will help your child understand it is time to go to sleep. Let your child use a safe comfort object to provide security. Keep an “open door” policy to make your child feel connected to you at night.

How to help your children deal with stress

Notice out loud

Tell your child when you notice that something's bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. ("It seems like you're still mad about what happened at the playground.") This shouldn't sound like an accusation (as in, "OK, what happened now?

Are you still mad about that?") or put a child on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about your child's concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child

Ask your child to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child's concerns (and feelings) be heard.

Try to get the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing

For example, you might say "That must have been upsetting," "No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn't let you in the game," or "That must have seemed unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it

Many younger kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states.

Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioral boiling point where strong emotions come out through behaviors rather than communicated with words.

Children and Anxiety

In most cases, fears in childhood are fairly transient and short-lived. Different anxieties develop at different stages:

• Babies and toddlers might fear loud noises, heights, strangers and separation.
• Preschoolers might start to show fears of being on their own and of the dark.
• School-age children might be afraid of supernatural things (like ghosts), social situations, failure, criticism or tests, and physical harm or threat.

Infants and young children don’t tend to worry about things. For children to be worried, they have to imagine the future and bad things that might happen in it – this is why worries become more common in children over eight years of age.

Children also worry about different things as they get older. In childhood, they might worry about getting sick or hurt. In older childhood and adolescence, the focus becomes less concrete – for example, they may think a lot about war, economic and political fears, family relationships and so on.

What causes anxiety?
Some people are more likely to be anxious because it runs in the family (just like eye colour). People can also learn to think and behave in an anxious way by watching others, or by going through scary experiences. Certain things in a child’s environment might also increase the child’s chances of becoming anxious – for example, if a parent is overprotective of a shy child it might help the child in the short term, but can increase the child’s anxiety overall.

Ways to support your child

• acknowledge your child’s fear – don’t dismiss or ignore it
• gently encourage your child to do things she’s anxious about, but don’t push her to face situations she doesn't want to face
• wait until your child actually gets anxious before you step in to help
• praise your child for doing something he’s anxious about, rather than criticizing him for being afraid
• avoid labeling your child as ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’.

How to deal with a naughty child

1. Never scream at them. 

It will instill fear in their minds, which later in life comes out in the form of no confidence, fears, phobias and mental problems.

2. Talk to them. 

Solve your problems decently by talking to them face to face. Try to make them understand the issue by trying to come down to their mental level. Give them reason and logic. Screaming, yelling and hitting them will only result in grugdes and stubbornness.

3. Talk to them by getting down on your knees, looking in their eyes and face to face.

This is because the child feels inferior to you when you are standing and you are looking down to him, as he is obviously quite smaller than you in height.

4. NEVER scare your child of anything. 

For example, many parents scare their child of ghosts, theifs etc. Like ‘if you do that certain thing will come and take you away or punish you etc. This will not help in anyway as this is not true at all. Suppose if he does that certain thing and nothing that you told him happend, he will get over it and stop believing you. This can also result in psychological problems, fears and phobias.

Don’t tamper with time! Paula Manoli-Gray

By the time you are reading this, we will be a week into the clock change and no doubt you will have forgotten all about the 'old time'.

Well, maybe you will, but for some reason, that innocuous little hour really messes me up and I can't let go of it so easily! My tummy rumbles at the old time for about a week, and trying to make it through to the new time before eating is a mammoth task. I am also one of those annoying people who still talks in 'old time' -  "Is that 1pm new time or old time then…" And it's made worse when you have small kids that are in a good routine. I dread the headache of adjusting this said routine and easing it smoothly into the new hour.

Now, I know the logical reason for the time change - to compensate for the levels of light that come with the change of the season - but it still seems bizarre to me. I become outraged at those who made the decision on our behalf. What gave them the right to play with time? Time is bigger than all of us, and should not be tampered with!

It also poses a 'chicken-egg' dilemma. Which hour is the correct one? Were we originally an hour ahead or an hour behind? As you can guess, I have never travelled far afield enough to have suffered from jet lag from big time differences, and can't imagine I would fare well.

The other thing with time change is that you don't know about it unless you know about it. Those who don't read papers, watch telly or use social media, but do have watches must get in a real muddle. Every year when I see the reminders I panic about forgetting, then panic about the fact that I could just as easily not have seen the reminders, and it was only by chance that I was saved the fate of living an hour behind (or ahead).

It did happen to me one year, which may be why I am left with these strange issues. At the time, hubby and I were working for a big international Life Coach, selling tickets for his seminars. We were tasked with going in on a Sunday for a promotional offer, and given the keys to the office. It also happened to be my grandparent's memorial, and as we stood at the graveyard, honouring yiayia and pappou's memory, my mum said, "Aren't you supposed to open the office up at 11am?" To which hubby and I replied that it was fine; if we left in half an hour we would make it to Nicosia with no issues, seeing as it was only 10am. Of course, we were on 'old time', and we both looked at one another, mouthed an expletive that should not be said in the presence of the deceased and literally ran out of the graveyard with the sound of the family's laughter fading in the distance. We sped to Nicosia, opening the office up half an hour late. The tale has a happy ending… we did not get fired! But that little hour really muddled us up.

So, this is my warning to everyone; do not ever, ever think that the little hour difference is so innocent, and never, ever tamper with time!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly 05/04/13