No need to call back - Paula Manoli-Gray

We seem to be living in a paradoxical time when it comes to communication – or at least it feels that way on the island.

Whilst most people have the latest smart phone, tablet or computer and spend more time with their heads down trying to impress faux friends on social media than talking to their real ones, they seem totally incapable of answering business emails or returning calls.

Not having lived in the UK for many years, I do not know if this is a global phenomenon or one of our 'quaint' Cyprus-isms, but it is certainly wide-spread here and extremely frustrating.

I have personally found that even some of the most 'professional' or esteemed business people – and/or their assistants – can be totally incapable of sending off a polite reply to at least acknowledge an email. And this also extends to civil servants and public services where there should – at the very least – be an automatic reply to say that your email has been received.

And when it comes to returning calls, forget it. I know of a friend who had an appointment with a respected specialist doctor in Limassol but had to cancel and has now spent the last two months trying to reschedule another, only to be told (literally) several times a day that 'someone will call her back'. No one ever does – and they know that it is in regards to a fairly urgent medical issue.

But this lack of communication also occurs when you are trying to give something or help someone and there is no actual benefit to you for getting in touch, so it is not a one-way street of being ignored only when you require assistance or information - it is just a system of being ignored all the time!

As a journalist, I am always left baffled as to why my emails and phone calls go unanswered when it comes to my approaching someone to write an article on them – a positive thing and a source of free publicity. You would be amazed how many people completely ignore me, or tell me they will be back in touch with some information and are never heard from again. It costs very little time, effort and financial outlay to fire off a reply to someone or return that call in the name of manners and professionalism, and I have to admit, I often judge someone on the basis of how efficient and considerate they are in answering their communications.

So, why does this occur so much in Cyprus? Is it because people are so busy and overstretched, or because they believe that their time or lives are more important than the rest of the island's? Or is it one of those laid-back attitudes that we have (and that was the polite way of saying it)? Whatever the reason, it creates a culture of frustration and distrust in people, services and businesses. We stop asking questions, we stop complaining, we stop getting involved, we stop offering our time or assistance… simply because 'no one will respond to us anyway'.

And the saddest indictment of our times? That you are far more likely to get a response from someone if you go via their social media account than any other form of communication, along with the pleasure of seeing photos of them partying, cuddling their cat, or showing off the remnants of their dinner!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 06/03/15

Bright Sparks - Fun SUNday

Piggy in the middle - Paula Manoli-Gray

The recent news that a number of wealthy individuals and businesses on the island collectively owe over €163 million in taxes to the state cannot have come as a surprise to anyone. There is a commonly held belief amongst the 'not-rich' that those who amass that kind of wealth do so precisely because they do not pay their dues.

In previous years you couldn't have dreamed of seeing a 'name-em-shame-em' list as these issues were hushed up, and no one would dare to humiliate those in the Big Boy's Club. But, what with The Crisis blah-de-blah, things have changed, so now we know exactly how and why the big bank balances are as high as they are – and shame on them.

Then you have those at the very bottom of the social class structure who have nothing. These people are (rightly) helped out by the state, charities and kind individuals through food packages, subsidised bills, clothing and household donations, state benefits and the like. But, for some people in this bracket, things are actually better than they ever have been, and some are much better off due to the increase in the different avenues and benefactors that they receive from.

So, what we have is the rich-set not paying their taxes and enjoying a life of riley, and those on the very bottom being fed, clothed and generally looked after. But what about the 'forgotten middle class'?

The forgotten middle class typically looks like this: married couple, both in employment with 2.5 kids. On paper they seem to be financially okay and can buy food, just about pay their bills and are likely to own their home. As such, they would not qualify for help and would be considered to be fine. But the reality is, the forgotten middle class is almost worse off than the lower class in these current times. They might be able to pay – or just about pay – their mortgage, but they certainly don't have the funds to maintain their home and will go white at the thought that there might be an emergency plumbing situation that would require fixing, because they just couldn't afford it. They might be able to feed their family, and even enjoy the occasional coffee or takeaway on the weekend, but they won't be going on a holiday any time soon. They might have a car, but whereas before they would have been happy to take a trip into Nicosia for a day out, they now have to think twice about their petrol consumption.

This class is the most stung, most targeted and most overlooked class, who, despite the previous definition of what being middle class was, are now just about scraping through, and are most likely living hand-to-mouth. But they simply do not qualify for assistance and they certainly won't be getting anyone's sympathy or charity. They are taxed to the death, they are worked to the bone and they are surviving rather than living. For the first time, this class is worse off than their parents, and in many cases, has to rely on their parents' help to buy the kids their new school uniform or pay for them to go on a school trip. Quite simply, this class is drowning without a life-raft in sight.

I am not trying to imply that all those who are classed as 'needy' are being adequately fed and clothed or enjoying it, and for a great many, these times are hell as one or both partners are out of work and they literally have nothing. But I do think it's time that the ones in the middle were acknowledged too, because they are the ones struggling to pay the taxes that the super rich refuse to, and the needy simply cannot.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 27/02/15

Happy April - Happy Easter

Don't jump on the sofa!

If you can't do it at 4 years old, when can you do it?

My mother was a nightmare quite honestly, when it came to our sofa. She took cushion fluffing and sofa puffing to a whole new pedantic level. My brother and I consequently avoided the sofa like the plague and were deprived of the fun it could bring, as our mother ranted on, while constantly re-arranging the items on the sofa, to a specific patterned set up.

So I swore to myself, that if ever I have children, they could jump on the sofa as much as they wanted and whenever they wanted :0).

The games I witnessed in the past couple of years were nothing short of amazing, from jumping monkeys and creating ships to piling cushions high to make pyramids. I subsequently reliably conclude that sofas can become a great source of imagination, when children are left to play to their own devices without any parental pressure.

I recently experienced a dejavu moment on a play date at an “Ultra Glam” apartment and as soon as the front door opened, I spotted a rather special sofa. This was no ordinary sofa; it was huge, extremely scrunchy and deliciously velvety. In other words, perfect for jumping on from the eyes of a child! You guessed it, the first thing the mother of the house said was “don't Jump on the sofa”. It’s truly the worst thing she could have said for me and of course the kids flew towards the sofa at ground breaking speed and started to dismantle the show piece of the residence.

This torturous dejavu moment actually disclosed a greater truth, which is commonly known as the “Law of Attraction”. In other words, whatever you focus your children on, they will be attracted to it, especially if you tell them not to do it, as this increases the interest factor.

In essence, the best way to describe the law of attraction in motion is “where the attention goes, the energy flows”. The critical element to understand here is, that our children’s subconscious and unconditioned mind does not necessarily distinguish between do and don’t, because the laws of the universe state that life just is. Our perception of do, don’t and context of where something is appropriate or not, is learned, conditioned or even mind controlled over time. Our children instinctively follow the laws of the universe, however as they develop we train them towards being accepted within the so called values of society, rightly or wrongly.

The same is true for the thoughts in our minds. For example, if we focus on the problem, criticize the problem, complain about the problem, discuss the problem and share the problem, we become part of the problem! Our thoughts and energy flow should therefore only be focussed on the solution to attract a solution to come about.

So, if you would rather keep your children away from a precious china plate, the very last thing you should say is “don’t touch the china plate”. This statement actually focuses your child’s energy flow directly on the china plate, sofa or whatever the point of attention is. Instead, focus your kids on something you do want them to play with and make it interesting or tempting, without forcing to avoid getting caught up in the “Law of Inversion” (we will keep that for another day).

Whatever your age, give it a go, it's really fun :0) and you just might feel the energy of a child again!

Sharon Holmes