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Defending the island’s honour in the face of FB flippancy! - Paula Manoli-Gray

I recently saw a post from a Facebook friend that showed a picture of the Cyprus flag with an eye crying one, single tear and his comment "…my beloved Cyprus exists, no longer. It has now become the home of everything that is wrong with today's world."

As a general rule, I don't get involved in Facebook debates and comments, and am not one to publically talk politics or religion, but this sweeping statement that the island is literally where everything bad is, really riled me. And so I wrote a long comment back where I nicely said that every single country has good and bad, and that I did not accept this generalised comment (in a nutshell). And of course there were additional comments from others about how anyone who cannot see how corrupt the island is, and how bad things are, is basically blind or an idiot.

It's my fault! As a writer, I am used to measuring my words and carefully writing in a balanced and factual way. So, when I read something like '…the home of everything that is wrong with today's world', as a writer, I take it literally and am offended by the inaccuracy and abuse of the English language. I am used to working to the policy that every word a journalist writes has the potential to be slanderous, defamatory or controversial if it is sweeping, generalised or not backed up with hard evidence – and that includes on social media sites too.

The writer clearly has strong and impassioned feelings about the state of the island, and when he wrote his comment, it would not have crossed his mind that he had written something that simply, cannot 'literally' be true! Cyprus is not and cannot be the home of EVERYTHING wrong with today's world, and it is not. Yes, it has many issues – corrupt politicians and officials being one of them – but it is far from the worse country in the entire world, and if we were to take this statement literally and offer evidence to argue against it, there is a whole catalogue of reasons why there are many countries where more 'wrong' things exist!

My stance remains the same as always; that every single country has good and bad people, elements, policies, practises and conditions, and whilst I am not blind to the negatives of Cyprus, I am also not blind to the positives. Sometimes the bad elements are more evident and obvious here due to our small size, and I personally choose to have a balanced view where I focus more on the good than the bad. But that said, the fact that FB friend feels this way, and was then backed up by others expressing the same sentiments (and vilifying me in the process for my 'ignorance') got me thinking. Are things really that bad here?

Well, I guess the answer to that depends on who you are and how your cards have been dealt, as one size does not fit all. And perhaps for some people it is easier to move back when they feel things have become intolerable here. In the case of the FB friend - and some of the others who commented - the common perception was that they had been 'forced to flee' Cyprus, and indeed, there are many who in recent years have left. I do not know the merits of each case, and I do not doubt that for some of them, the move back was the right thing to do and they are much happier, but I wish they would stop making out that the island is the villain and has no redeeming features…

…because in the process, they are insulting everyone who does still live here, as though we are too stupid to know any better. 

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 12/06/15

The game of ‘what if’ - Paula Manoli-Gray

Last week's fire at an area by the salt lake was a sobering wake-up call for Larnaca residents, and a reminder of how fragile we really are.

With so many daily trials and tribulations to contend with, we tend not to account for the possibility of other, more serious events. I think that this is because – thankfully – we have not experienced many of the major-scale disasters of other parts of the world, and so, our daily frustrations with government offices and bad drivers do indeed seem to be absolutely tragic on a personal level for each of us! Then something truly, potentially dangerous happens and we are forced to open our eyes to what it means to live in a world where your health and wellbeing doesn't just depend on you and your personal choices, but on those of the whole community and the governing bodies of the region we live in.

As is typical in these kinds of circumstances, the 'what if's' started to unfold as the fire blazed. As the site of the fire was roughly opposite the area where my parents live; roughly opposite my daughter's ballet school; next to my son's school, and more alarmingly, by the petrol station of the area, for me, it was a case of 'what if' it had happened when my son was at school? 'What if' it reached the ballet school where my daughter was at the time? 'What if' my parents had to evacuate or lost their property? But the biggest and scariest of all… 'what if' it reached the petrol station?

I am not aggrandising here because it was a fire of a potentially very damaging size, and due to the dry and brittle foliage of the area – as well as the petrol station – it could have been potentially a whole lot worse. As we know, the fire department did a grand job of containing it; the petrol station closed its pumps down, fire breakers were dug out and the ending is a largely happy one for the residents of the area and Larnaca, with no loss of human life or damage to properties. I won't say that any damage to the area's flora or fauna is acceptable, because it is not, and it is tragic to lose any kind of natural wealth, let alone that of a protected area, but all things considering, we (as in Larnaca) did okay.

Of course, we cannot think 'what if' because if it didn't happen, then there is nothing to worry about. Or is there? The 'what ifs' could easily be real situations, so just because something didn't happen and there is no need to lay blame, make accusations and demand justice, that doesn't mean we get off scott-free.

One of my first questions was 'should there be a petrol station right next to a school and a protected forestland of much undergrowth and bamboo – which basically becomes firewood in the hot months?' I was told that all the right safety measures are indeed in place and it is okay. But still… it got me thinking about something that I had always taken for granted – the location of the petrol station. In fairness, the petrol station was there long before the school was built, but it does make me wonder about the protocols of town planning.

And there is the issue of whether it was arson; believed to have been triggered by the mosquitoes in the area. I like to think that no human being would be so reckless as to endanger human life and cause damage to the area they live in just to make a point, but we all know that there are people like that out there.

Sadly, our wellbeing is indeed a collective issue of community, and so we all need to ensure that we are a positive force in ours, and not the (dry and flamable) straw that breaks the camel's back.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly newspaper, 05/06/15

Sibling Camaraderie

A close friend asked me recently  "Are you ever worried that your youngest (she is 6 months) may have ASD?".  My answer..."Almost everyday."  

I mean she is a bright little spark, squealing at her brothers like a little peacock, smiling away...but I do find myself scrutinising every new move.  When she popped her little chubby finger into my mouth, my husband and I looked at each other with silent alarm.  You see, at that age, my ASD son used to constantly pop his finger into the mouth of every person who held him, which we later discovered was a symptom to do with his sensory interpretation.  

I am lucky in a way, my eldest son was diagnosed with ASD when my second son was 5 months old.  I never had to go through the stress of "Will my second child also be special needs?" which is a fear that many other parents have to go through.  Earlier studies suggested that  autism in siblings was in the 3-10% range, however recent research has found autism in 19% of younger siblings. These are really scary statistic!  So I can perfectly understand why some parents choose not to have another child.  I know that when we decided we wanted a third child, it was definitely something on our "cons" list.

When we discovered that we were having a girl, I was a little less worried as girl siblings are only 9% likely to be autistic compared to 26% of boys.  Having one ASD child is hard work, I can't imagine what having two or more must be like.   

But, my younger son was a godsend.  Most ASD children have problems socialising with other children, not knowing how to approach them.  My ASD son really struggled with this, and with learning how to play with other children (my turn, your turn).  So you can imagine our delight when last year we saw him not only playing with his younger brother, but initiating a game (which for him is a BIG deal!).  This game play with his brother opened up the way to game play at school.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like he fully participated in all the games the kids played, but he did at least gain the confidence to approach the other children and join in some easy games...on occasion.

He has learned to be responsible for his younger brother, being very overprotective, constantly making sure that my daredevil second son doesn't hurt himself.  He has learned the idea of ownership (mine, yours), the importance of sharing and thinking of others (he always brings something home from the sweetshop for his brother when he goes with his dad - in fact he insists on it). He has learned the value of language and communication, (my second son is quite the little chatterbox), and finally he has learned the comfort of companionship (they share a room and have pushed the beds together to sleep close to each other).  It really warms my heart to see their camaraderie. 

Their sincere brotherly love has taught him all these things and so much more!  I can't wait to see what his sister will teach him...