Stuffing our future with rubbish - Paula Manoli-Gray

There are a few issues, on which I must sound like a broken (and rather irritating) record, but they continue to plague and perplex me, with one of the top issues being The Food Children Eat.

I have commented in the past about the disgusting food served at organised birthday parties (purpose built venues and play places), and it continues to truly disappoint me now that the new school year has started and the birthday party invitations are flooding in once more.

I cannot understand why our most precious next generation is given bright yellow nuggets, low quality 'meat' burgers and over-salted and processed chips, whilst the adults munch away on a buffet that typically includes salads, grilled meat on skewers and other far more preferable choices than the poor children have been given. I am not criticizing parents who book these parties, as this is what is on offer by the establishments as standard packages, and I am also not a mother who sits there tutting and forbidding my children to eat party food and birthday cake. At parties, they have carte blanche to eat what they want.

But whilst the odd birthday party now and then is fine in the greater scheme of their diet, I have been very dismayed to find that state primary schools have canteens where children can buy snacks during their breaks.

My first issue is that these canteens sell absolute rot, including ice tea, ice cream, chocolate bars and fatty or chemical powder-laden savoury choices. My second issue is that children that young (my son is six) should not be trusted to make decisions about what they eat when presented with a selection that is not varied and balanced.

I also cannot understand for the life of me why teachers want children high on additives and sugar in their classrooms. It is a well-documented fact that what children eat affects their concentration and energy levels, i.e., their ability to learn and their behaviour. Through no fault of their own, some of those children will end up being labelled as having behavioural or learning issues when it is simply a matter of poor diet affecting them.

But the issue really took the (overly processed) biscuit when last week my son came home with a letter from the school. On the first side was a request for parents not to send their children to school with junk, but to give them fruit and vegetables to bring in, and to treat their classmates with fruit and vegetables on their birthdays or name days.

And on the other side of the letter was… the price list for the school canteen! A catalogue of foods that children should not eat and drink (at least not on a daily basis), and barely anything on it that they should! 

My son is not allowed to buy from the canteen, and thankfully, there are other like-minded mothers who send their children to school with a healthy lunchbox and no tuck money - so he is not singled out, nor is he particularly bothered. But we really need to get the UK celebrity chef and pioneer of children's nutrition in schools - Jamie Oliver - in quick; for the sake of the future of our island, and that is one broken record you will keep hearing from me.

First appeared in They Cyprus Weekly, 09/10/15

Meltdown Devastation

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"Your son switched off the fridge again!" my dad remarked when he came round this morning.  I smile in sympathy choosing not to say anything.  You see any house my son spends enough time in - mine, my parents, my in laws - he will find some little thing to do, something to rearrange in a way that he sees fit or correct.  And it is never the same in each house.  In mine he would never dare to turn off the fridge, firstly because he can't really reach it, and second because he would incur the wrath of MUM!

Like most ASD children my son has certain routines that he can't live with out. These are the things that if he does not do, they will result in a complete meltdown. 
For example, he has to have a shower every morning (not a bad one to have I suppose, at least he is clean) even if we are going to the beach that day.  I remember one morning we overslept and we dared to refuse him a shower.  Not only did he have a complete meltdown, which made us even later for school, but his meltdown turned into a day long tantrum where he refused to work, concentrate or cooperate at all...with ANYONE (a nightmare for all his teachers and for us!).  Let me just diverge slightly to explain to those who may not know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum.  Anyone who has ever raised a toddler knows what a tantrum is.  It is an emotional outburst of rage or frustration.  It usually because you have either said no to something they want, or in my younger son's case because you put crackers instead of cereal in his lunchbox/he wants to play with his cousin and she isn't home or he doesn't want to leave yiayia's house/Hobos etc..  During a tantrum a child may have some control over his behaviour, especially if they are older.  My second son even stops in the middle of a tantrum to make sure I am looking at him. If I say one word to him, he picks up where he left off, refusing to listen if it is not the answer he wants.  

On the other hand, a meltdown for me is a lot more traumatic.  It is when my poor son's brain is so overwhelmed with stress chemicals, that it has reached the panic, flight or fight stress reaction. The stress builds up to the point that his brain overwhelms and loses the ability to cope.  In my son's case I recognise the panic in his eyes and he has:

no control over his behaviour; cannot engage with anyone; feels unsafe/afraid and no amount of distraction will help.  The only thing I can do is hold him tightly as if he is unravelling and I am keeping him together (no talking, I remove all demands, reduce all stimulation so his brain can regroup and reorganise).  He sometimes clings to me so tightly that I have bruises, all the time crying out as if he is being mentally tortured.  And most of the time I cry along with him, holding him, feeling helpless, weak and useless as I am not able to take away his pain fast enough!  ...Then I wait for his body to relax a bit (this can take anything from half an hour to 2 ours) and I suggest a shower.  He will then sit in the shower, water cascading over him, for 20 minutes to half an hour until he is ready to come out.  I have learnt over time that this is what he needs, although I know other ASD children that don't like to be touched during a meltdown, I am thankful that my little boy allows me to help him through.

 When he was younger meltdowns once or twice a week were not uncommon but as he has grown up and his speech has improved they have lessened over time (Thank God!).  I remember the first Christmas I hosted at my house, my dad flew over Christmas day to surprise the kids, and he had a lot of gifts - he got too over excited and I knew a meltdown was imminent...  And sure enough there I was sitting on the kitchen floor (for over an hour), holding my poor ASD son who was clinging to me for dear life utterly lost (for him I have always imagined it to be like falling down a black void where it is dark and you don't know how to stop or get back to the light - I don't know why but this is the image that always comes to me).  I have many of these little stories of meltdowns but I have been lucky that with the exception of 1 time all his meltdowns have been at home.  The only public meltdown he ever had was just before his swimming lesson and it was the worst experience ever.  It wasn't bad enough that (I'm going to say it!) mothers were looking at me probably thinking that I can't control my child, but even the mothers I knew smiled that pity smile at me and then proceeded to make a quick exit outside.  Not one person asked me if I needed help or if I was alright!  Not one mother spoke to me, even after he calmed down, to offer a mother-to-mother support!  I had never felt so alone in my life.

So all mothers out there, if you see a mother - ANY mother- having to cope with a tantrum or meltdown, please offer a helping hand or words of support because even if we say we are ok, your words will be greatly appreciated.

 

Spring-cleaning those dust-filled rugs - Paula Manoli-Gray

If you are wondering why Cyprus is currently so dusty, it's because the rugs of deceit are being lifted and new indiscretions are no longer being allowed to be swept under them!

On the one hand, it is horrible to hear of some new scandal, attempted cover-up, corruption story or exposé every day, and it suddenly makes Cyprus appear to have changed overnight from a charming little isle of warm welcomes, into one big ghetto. But on the other hand, it shows us that all is not lost, and that positive changes can happen even after a long time of ingrained habits.

I have said this before and I won't stop repeating it; Cyprus is no worse than any other country, but due to its size, things can appear worse, or more magnified. And now with the added element of things coming to the surface and those darn dusty rugs being rolled up, it can seem even more hopeless or corrupt. But it has always been that way, since the illegitimate children of village affairs decades ago, to the modern denials that issues like anorexia, bullying and mental disabilities actually exist.

For a very long time, an accepted blanket of silence and a policy of 'we don't talk about these things' prevailed – probably because it was an island of neighbourhoods. Since the financial crisis that brought us to our knees, people have suddenly had the veil lifted, and this abrupt awakening has quickly spread from wanting answers regarding the role of bankers in our downfall, to realising that in every corner of society there is an elephant in the room. 

So far, we have seen videos of police brutality emerge; scandals of the powerful or rich keeping their power or wealth through unscrupulous means; people in authority – ala sewerage boards and municipalities – breaking the trust of their positions in the worse ways; reports of rape, abuse and paedophilia coming out of the woodwork like teaming swarms of cockroaches, and so much more.

These are awful things to happen, but the fact they are coming out is good, for it means we have finally entered the Era of Accountability and Transparency. Yes, it is still in its infancy, and knowing us, it could be a long time before baby steps turn into big strides, but we have reached this point at long last. And it is not going to be a pleasant journey. For some, the 'ignorance is bliss' policy will actually be more preferable than having to face new painful revelations on a daily basis.

For me personally, the area of child safety and wellbeing is my main concern, and I feel utterly sick to the stomach when new cases of child abuse come to light – I desperately want to still feel that my island is the right place to raise my children. And this unease is especially ripe right now as my son prepares to start the first year of state primary school, and I am hearing from mothers everywhere that there is a serious issue of bullying – right from year 1. The horror stories of what so and so's neighbour's daughter went through, or a cousin's son's best friend did are shocking to say the least.

Maybe, if we tackle the 'unspoken' problems from the early years and get issues like bullying, drug abuse and the like under control, then we won't see so many of the next generation becoming the kind of adults who abuse their power, chase wealth at any expense and target the innocence of children. And that really is something to get 'dusty' over.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 28/08/15

The Cat in the Lab

​Very few things have left me speechless - nothing more so than my first meeting with Doctor Catherine Demetriades.  First impression? Energetic, beautiful and a little weird (in one of those wonderful ways).  There was intensity to her, the kind that draws you in, the kind you can't look away from; when you feel slightly dumbfounded, searching for the words to say.  And as I said before...intense.

I had googled her before we met and she is one amazing woman.  I will skip through her childhood - father an inventor, mother a fashion designer; violin prodigy, learnt the piano in 6 months; attended Saturday morning classes in a University learning to dissect brains in a laboratory aged 11 and the list goes on and on...

She has 4 PhDs in Molecular Medicine, Biophysics, Particle Physics and Quantum Psychology.  But what I thought was really cool about her, was that she also wanted to know about the Ancient Sciences so she became an Egyptologist and Ancient Egyptian Perfumer.  Not only can she read hieroglyphs but she can create her own perfumes, including the hidden formula that Cleopatra had in her perfume.  I don't know if it was exactly that one she placed along my arm, but it was a divine formula, and believe me the smell was both ambrosial and addictive.  

Did I fail to mention that she is a fully functional Autistic Savant!

Anyway, why had this awesome individual come to my house?  Well, she had brought over a ridiculously expensive piece of equipment - I want to say a Quantum Response machine, but I am not sure exactly what it is or how it works.  All I know is that it was jaw-dropping.  All my son had to do was touch these two round sensors for 15 minutes, non invasive and simple, right?  I can see all you ASD parents out there shaking your heads and smiling that knowing smile.  After 3 tries he managed to hold on for about 2 minutes, but only with all of us counting to 100 and me giving him the death stare if he so much as moved his hands (I was not allowed to touch him because the machine would pick me up too).  The results were astounding, for example she told us he had a problem with his left leg, a lingering virus.  My husband froze, as he remembered when my son was about 2 and a half, he had come home limping (the doctor told us it was a virus).  How did she know that and about twenty other pieces of information that only we knew?  What was this miracle machine?  But more importantly, how would it help our ASD son? 

Obviously we have to wait for her to properly study the results, but as I watched her talk and move, I had a strange feeling of the familiar, the way she ate and drank, hungrily yet savouring the flavour (she explained that she like other ASDs never felt full - which totally explains how my son rummages through the cupboards constantly looking for food even if he only ate half an hour ago!), and her mischievous grin, (like when my son is about to do something he knows is naughty) when she talked about things that challenged preconceived ideas about autism.  

I do not know what these results will bring, but I somehow feel a strange, trusting, secure hope that this specific Dr. Cat will find in her lab some way to help bring my ASD son to full function.

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